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Why You Need To Stop Telling Guys You’re Cool With Keeping Things Casual When You’re Really Not

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Stop me if you’ve experienced this before. You meet a guy that you really like and he seems perfect for you in every way… except that he only wants a casual relationship. You know, nothing serious. You don’t want to lose him so you agree to keep things relaxed and undefined even though what you really want is a full-blown boyfriend. Trust me, I’ve been there. It’s horrible and I’ll never do it again, and neither should you.

You deserve nothing less than being deeply loved.

Maybe the reason you keep accepting relationships that don’t fulfill you is that deep down, you think that’s all you’re good for. Or, you’re not brave enough to hold out until what you want comes along. You deserve a relationship that honors your needs. You deserve someone who can’t believe how lucky he is to have found you. You need a guy who wants to know and love every part of you instead of just choosing the parts he likes and throwing away the rest.

A relationship built on a lie rarely ever works out.

When you say yes to casual relationships that you don’t want, what you’re doing is lying to yourself. You’re willingly putting yourself through the emotional equivalent of walking barefoot on hot coals. It’s highly unlikely that he’ll wake up one morning and realize that you’re everything he’s been looking for and make things official. The bitter truth is that he’s just not that into you. He’s only with you for a good time.

You’ll be sacrificing a lot.

With casual relationships, you’ll probably never get to go on dates with the guy. You won’t be able to take pictures of you two together and proudly showcase the relationship on social media. You won’t be able to make him your plus-one to certain events because he’ll make it clear that you’re not actually a couple. You can’t open up about your feelings or share the private details of your life because he might not be interested. Are a few moments of bliss really worth giving up all this?

There’s someone better for you out there.

While you’re busy second-guessing everything you want to do or say with the guy who won’t give you what you really want, you could be missing out on the person who could be the love of your life. You won’t be able to recognize him when he comes along because you’re busy investing your heart with the wrong person. Instead of wasting your time with a non-relationship, why not wait for someone who’s truly deserving of the love you have to give?

You’ll only end up hurting yourself.

The insidious allure of casual relationships is that they leave you chasing a carrot you might never get to eat. You think that if you just take things slowly and be the model casual partner, you can somehow turn what you have into a real relationship. You keep hoping and waiting for something to happen, and every day it doesn’t, your heart breaks a bit more until all that’s left in its place is anger, resentment, and grief.

They shouldn’t get to have their cake and eat it too.

Most casual relationships are just an excuse for guys to enjoy boyfriend benefits without any of the commitments. You can say goodbye to basic respect, kindness, consistency, or responsibility. To many guys, their casual partners are basically human sex dolls that they can treat however they like. That’s not a deal you should be accepting. You shouldn’t be having a relationship on one person’s terms. If he’s not willing to give you what you’re asking for, walk away without remorse.

You’re unconsciously damaging your self-esteem.

If you agree to a casual relationship when it’s not what you really want, you’re sending a message to your subconscious that his desires are more important than yours. You’ll start wondering what’s wrong with you and feeling like you’re not good enough to be girlfriend material. When you see him eyeing or going out with other girls, your confidence will sink even lower. You might even start changing parts of yourself to make him love you, but it’s never been about you. He’s the one with the problem.

The not-knowing will drive you crazy.

With regular relationships, you know where you stand with your partner most of the time. You know where the relationship is headed. You both want the same things. They probably won’t disappear from your life out of the blue without bothering to break things off, but with casual relationships, there are no guarantees even when you establish ground rules. Everything is uncertain. You won’t know from one day to the next how this person feels about you or if they even care about you at all.

You don’t need someone who doesn’t want you.

Going casual might make sense at the very beginning of a relationship, but if he still wants to keep it casual after he’s gotten to know you pretty well and figured that you’re compatible together, that just means he doesn’t really value you or isn’t sure if he wants you. You don’t need that kind of bad vibe in your life. Let the man go.

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