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How To Give Off A Badass Vibe That Repels Losers

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So you want to stride down the street with confidence, enter the bar like you own it, move through the world like the independent queen you are. More than that, you want to repel losers and instead attract attention from people who can actually handle your badass mojo. Here’s your guide on how to do just that.

Lose the smile.

I have a default, ingrained, knee-jerk smile response. It’s partially cultural training—from being a Southern-born, church-raised female—and it’s partially because I’m a nice person. The problem with nice is that it gets interpreted: as available, as an invitation, or as you being weak and passive. Solution: you don’t have to be a jerk. You can still be nice. Just quit smiling so much, for no reason, at anybody and everybody. Seriously. Stop it.

Adopt the nod.
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I don’t like being unfriendly, whether it’s to the cashier or the random person parked next to me. So I’ve adopted the nod—an cultural norm already, and 1000% better than the weird, flat hey-stranger smile that many of us use. A nod is a way of acknowledging another human without extending an invitation. Try it. And here’s the deal: if you want to extend an invitation, add some softness, encourage interaction, you can add a smile with the nod.

Walk with purpose.
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You don’t have to have a purpose, but walk like you do. Don’t shuffle along. Straighten up, put your shoulders down, fix a point in the near distance, and stride toward that motherf**ker like you have an appointment with God. Is this intimidating? Yes. Will people get out of your way? Also yes.

Let there be silence.
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Silence is a weapon, as anyone who’s ever been given-or dished out—the silent treatment knows. It’s powerful. With strangers, it’s a way of allowing awkwardness or discomfort. And, in most cases, people will avoid that kind of discomfort. If you want to end a conversation or shut down an unwanted advance, let the silence hang in the air. Let it thicken and watch people excuse themselves to get away from it. You win.

Give short answers.
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Over-answering is a sign that you’re looking for approval. You’re badass. You don’t need approval. Answer questions in the briefest way possible. Yes is a complete sentence. No is a complete sentence. If you’re really done with the vibe, just nod or shake your head instead of responding aloud.

Say the thing nobody is saying.
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Elephant in the room? Get up on that thing and ride it. You don’t need to ignore the obvious. That’s what losers do. You claim it and make it your own. When you’re brave enough to address real issues, you let people know you won’t tolerate shady behavior or manipulation.

Own the eye contact.
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As social creatures, most humans have a finely tuned sense of what’s appropriate in any context. Hold eye contact about 1-2 seconds longer than feels comfortable. There is literally nothing more badass than comfortably and casually keeping someone locked into your gaze without smiling. Don’t hold it forever, though. Just an extra second or two will do. For bonus points, raise an eyebrow before you deliberately look away.

Have defined preferences.
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This is how you develop a signature style, and it’s a powerful move. What’s your favorite whiskey? Do you like your fries extra crispy? Sure, these are details of life, but developing and expressing your preferences in the small things is how you learn to speak up for yourself in big things, too. Start having defined preferences. Ask for things to be done your way. No, you don’t have to be demanding or rude. There’s nothing badass about being a jerk. But it is badass to know what you want and make sure you get it.

Don’t explain yourself.
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Leave things unsaid. Tell people what you’re going to do, but don’t tell them why. Don’t ask for their approval, or give them an explanation. And don’t define yourself. When you start labeling yourself for others—whether it’s by your star sign or personality type or career—you’re telling them that you need external validation for who you are. You’re putting yourself in a box, and as soon as you do that, you’re both predictable and boring. Be mysterious.

Ask questions.
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A funny thing happens when you don’t volunteer information, or fill in all the silences. Other people start doing it for you. So, let them. Ask questions. Ask what they think, how they feel, why they do what they do. The truth is that most people love to talk about themselves, and they reveal a lot when they do. Asking good questions, and listening to the answers, is a great way to learn about the people you’re around. Since not all losers look like losers, it’s important to find out what’s underneath the surface. Genuine people may get a little flustered, but they’ll usually try to give honest answers, and ask you real questions in return. People who have something to hide will run the other direction.

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Doe He Think He Owns You? Signs Of A Possessive Man And How To Fix It

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A relationship is supposed to be a union of two equals, and that definitely ain’t happening if your boyfriend thinks he’s your boss instead of your partner. When you’re dealing with a possessive man, you not only feel like you’re constantly under his thumb but you might even worry for your safety if his controlling ways were to go too far. Here are a few signs he thinks he owns you and how you can put a stop to them ASAP. If that doesn’t work, you’ll just have to kick him to the curb.

His hackles go up the minute you interact with another male.

Whether it’s your longtime colleague or your best guy friend from high school, your boyfriend loses his mind whenever you talk to another man. Suddenly it’s like he’s some wild ape in the forest, puffing up his chest and standing with his arm around you a little too tight to show the world that you’re his. It’s not cool – in fact, it’s kinda gross. Make sure you point out that you’re with him, not these other guys, and that should be enough for him. If it isn’t, that’s his problem.

Every time you go out with your friends, he won’t leave you alone.
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You go out to the bar with your girls just to dance, have a few drinks, and unwind after a long week at work… and yet somehow your boyfriend still finds a reason to text you 900 times that night. Whether he’s telling you a pointless story about something the cat did or asking if you’re “okay,” if you can’t go out without him being on your case, that’s one of the major signs of a possessive man. Let him know when you go out that you’ll be turning your phone off to concentrate on your BFFs instead of the screen you stare at all week. If he loses his cool, he’s gotta go.

He tries to control what you wear.
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He never wants you to go out with a short skirt or a revealing top, but he frames it because he’s just so concerned for your safety and wouldn’t want anything “bad” to happen to you. In reality, he’s trying to control what you wear because he’s afraid if you look too good you’ll get attention from other men, and he can’t cope with that. (And to be honest, he’s probably right – you’re hot!) Let him know he’s your partner, not your parent, and that you dress yourself. He thought you looked pretty damn good when you first met, didn’t he?

He wants to be your number one.
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Obviously the guy in your life is a priority, but you do have other things going on, just as you should. A possessive man expects you to drop everything to be all about him 24/7, and that’s not only unrealistic, it’s also incredibly toxic. Insist on continuing to have a full, complete life outside of your relationship. He can be part of it – and if he doesn’t want to, he’s free to go.

He’s all over your social media.
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Under every single post you put up, there’s your boyfriend with his heart emojis or some declarative statement about how he’s so glad you’re his. Boy, if he doesn’t chill out… It’s kinda hard to tell him that he doesn’t need to be all over you on social media, so maybe just hide his comments when they pop up if they get extra annoying. However, if it’s too over-the-top, you’ll have to tell him to relax.

While it’s great that he seems to care about you, what your boyfriend needs to remember is that showing signs of being a possessive man are completely unattractive and borderline dangerous. If he can’t get a hold on his insecurities and allow you the freedom to just be, the relationship is never going to last.

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The best dating/relationships advice on the web – sponsored. If you’re reading this, check out Relationship Hero a site where highly trained relationship coaches get you, get your situation, and help you accomplish what you want. They help you through complicated and difficult love situations like deciphering mixed signals, getting over a breakup, or anything else you’re worried about. You immediately connect with an awesome coach via text or over the phone in minutes. Just click here…

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How Long Should You Date Before Getting Engaged?

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While there’s no one singular timeline that works for every relationship, it’s natural to want to hit certain milestones, especially if you’re getting into your late 20s or even 30s. You don’t want to rush things or make bad decisions in love, but you also don’t want to rest on your laurels and miss the boat on some of the bigger “accomplishments” you’re told to want by society. So how long should you date before getting engaged and then married? Well, that all depends.

Do you even want to get married?

It might seem like a reasonable assumption that all long-term couples are eventually going to want to lock things down by saying “I do,” but that’s certainly not the case anymore. Many couples are happy to just be together and don’t believe that a piece of paper solidifies their relationship in any way. Before you even consider about the right time to get married, figure out if you want to do it at all or if eternally dating is your preferred mode.

Do you know each other inside and out?
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It goes without saying that you have no business thinking of marrying someone until you truly know them. The honeymoon period and even the months proceeding will show you your partner in the best possible light. It takes more time together to truly get to know one another’s faults, downfalls, and idiosyncrasies and decide if they’re compatible with your life and what you can deal with. Dating is a time to learn this knowledge – don’t get engaged until you have it.

The average is one to three years.
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If you do feel like tying the knot is something you want in your future, a “reasonable” amount of time, according to clinical sexologist and relationship expert Dawn Michael, Ph.D., is between one and three years. However, she’s quick to note that “each couple is different depending on age and circumstances,” so this time frame may not work for you, and that’s okay!

The more time you’re together before marriage, the better your prospects.
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A study by Emory University scientists discovered that couples who were dating for at least three years before getting engaged were 39% less likely to get divorced than those who popped the question in the first year. That makes perfect sense!

At the end of the day, you have to do what’s right for you.
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If you and your partner decide you want to get married, you’ll intrinsically know when it’s the right time. There’s no rush either – if you’re going to spend the rest of your life together, you have plenty of time to plan your wedding. For now, just enjoy the process.

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The best dating/relationships advice on the web – sponsored. If you’re reading this, check out Relationship Hero a site where highly trained relationship coaches get you, get your situation, and help you accomplish what you want. They help you through complicated and difficult love situations like deciphering mixed signals, getting over a breakup, or anything else you’re worried about. You immediately connect with an awesome coach via text or over the phone in minutes. Just click here…

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A Guy Shares 12 Things You Should Never Text Him

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For better or worse, texting is a huge part of relationships nowadays. In fact, it can even make or break a relationship, especially in the early stages. That makes texting a critical skill for single women (and men) looking for a relationship. You want to avoid saying the wrong things, so you’re better off never sending a guy these texts.

Messages with countless pics

I get it, taking pictures of yourself with your fun is easy and fun. On the surface, it also makes sense to send pictures of yourself to a guy to help pique his interest. But there’s a limit to how many pics a guy will tolerate. Unless all of the pics you send him are super sexy and guaranteed to grab his attention, limit the amount you send over to keep him wanting more.

“I’m bored, what’s up?”
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This might seem like an easy way to jumpstart a text conversation, but it’s not exactly endearing. You want a guy to think that you’re excited to talk to him rather than using him as a last resort because you have nothing better to do. If you want to start a text convo with a guy, start it with something interesting. Wouldn’t you want the same?

“Where are you?”
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This text definitely screams clingy and way too involved, especially if it’s early in the relationship. Unless you’re in a stable relationship or you’re supposed to meet him and he’s running seriously late, there’s no reason to ever send this text. He’ll immediately think that you’re needy and looking to infringe on his freedom.

“What are we?”
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Yes, this conversation needs to happen at some point, but you shouldn’t try to define your relationship over text. Honestly, if you text a guy this, you’re almost begging him to ghost you. Just wait until you’re hanging out with him and genuinely enjoying each other’s company to ask him where the conversation is going.

Nothing but emojis
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Some guys might be different, but most of us aren’t huge fans of emojis. If you really like them, feel free to slip them in every now and then. That being said, texts three or more emojis and no words aren’t going to fly with most guys. There’s a good chance he won’t know what you’re trying to say with those emojis, making him frustrated and less excited to pursue the relationship.

“I love you” (if you haven’t said it before).
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Of course, in a stable relationship, you should always text this to your partner. However, until you’ve said it in real life, you should never text this to a guy. I feel like I shouldn’t have to explain this too much, but nobody should be taking that step in a relationship via text.

A long, pointless story
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If you have an interesting story that you’re dying to share with a guy, don’t text it to him if it’s more than a sentence or two. Texts are meant to be quick and easy. Guys typically don’t want to feel like they’ve received a reading assignment the way they did in school. Just call or a guy or text him that you have a great story to share with him the next time you see him. It’ll avoid a long text and give him something to look forward to.

“Why do you even like me?”
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Honestly, this might be one of those cardinal sins in relationships. It’s something that you probably don’t want to say to him and you certainly shouldn’t text it to him. It just reeks of insecurity, which is a major turn-off. Plus, it’s such a negative statement that he might not even bother with a reply; he’ll just end the relationship right then and there.

“Are you getting my texts? Just checking.”
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If it’s taking a while for a guy to text you back, the last thing he wants is you checking on him. People are busy and can’t always get back to you as quickly as you’d like. Just trust that he’ll text you back when he’s ready. Even if he’s in the midst of ghosting you, asking him if he’s getting your texts isn’t going to change that.

“We need to talk.”
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Obviously, this can be a rather ominous statement, which is not what you want when texting a guy. If you “need” to talk to him, just ask him if he wants to get together. You can talk to him then or you can just call him and talk to him on the phone. Telling someone that you need to talk can be unnerving. Plus, if it’s something important, you probably don’t want to discuss it via text.

“I’m late!”
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Even if it’s true, this is news you want to deliver via text. At a minimum, it warrants a phone call, but it’s probably an issue that needs to be talked about face-to-face. Let’s face it, anyone is bound to have a strong reaction to this statement, so texting doesn’t do it justice.

“I see you.”
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If you see a guy out and about, don’t let him know by texting “I see you” if he wasn’t expecting to see you somewhere. It comes off stalkerish and a little creepy. Those are things you’d like to avoid when texting guys, so just walk up to him and say something like, “fancy seeing you here.” That’s usually a lot more charming than a creepy “I see you” text.

The best dating/relationships advice on the web – sponsored. If you’re reading this, check out Relationship Hero a site where highly trained relationship coaches get you, get your situation, and help you accomplish what you want. They help you through complicated and difficult love situations like deciphering mixed signals, getting over a breakup, or anything else you’re worried about. You immediately connect with an awesome coach via text or over the phone in minutes. Just click here…

The best dating/relationships advice on the web – sponsored. If you’re reading this, check out Relationship Hero a site where highly trained relationship coaches get you, get your situation, and help you accomplish what you want. They help you through complicated and difficult love situations like deciphering mixed signals, getting over a breakup, or anything else you’re worried about. You immediately connect with an awesome coach via text or over the phone in minutes. Just click here…

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