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7 Stages The Dumper Goes Through After A Breakup

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Everyone goes through a bad breakup at some point, but so much critical attention is given to the plight of the dumpee in film, TV, and all the books you read. What about the person who ends the relationship? The narrative is that they’re the a-holes who broke the sympathetic do-gooder protagonist’s heart, but what if it’s more complicated than that? What if it’s not just being dumped for a shallow reason like “he loved me too much“? Here’s what the dumper goes through after the dust settles on the breakup.

They’ll check all the socials.

Just because you’re blindsided by the information as the person who got dumped, rest assured the other party will be just as keen to see what you’re up to. You’ll both obsessively check each other’s Instagram and Facebook accounts to check that you haven’t missed anything while simultaneously hoping that you have. It’s a tough Schrodinger’s post; checking that something isn’t there until it is. No matter how heartbroken you are, the dumper’s Insta handle will always lurk on your stories after your breakup. You’ll know this because, of course, you will be checking theirs. I know.

They’ll ask friends about you.
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It might be shared friends that you used to hang out with, his friends, or even your friends, if he’s feeling particularly shameless. But either way, even if word doesn’t get back to you directly, know that he will be asking. Did you smile in satisfaction at that? Good.

They’ll overthinking how it went.
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While it may not seem like it, they won’t just break your heart and move on without a second thought. Well, some might. But you know what I mean, it takes two people to break up and both sides of the party have things to reflect on no matter how it goes down. You might find yourself thinking about how you chose your friends over your boyfriend and how that aspect of things breaking down might be your fault.

They’ll reread old messages.
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That’s right. They miss you too in a strange way. In a way that doesn’t necessarily mean that they were wrong to break up with you, but they will look back and think about what might have been. That’s natural, so don’t be worrying that you’re the only one that’s hurting. I wouldn’t stress, though – we all know you’re the wittier texter.

They will inevitably rebound.
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I know you don’t want to hear it but it’s the truth. We don’t have to linger on it but it’s worth knowing it so that you don’t feel guilty when you feel ready to move on. The dumper will, and they will start mentally and emotionally preparing for that eventuality immediately after the breakup. Don’t be alarmed if they move on before you, though. Think about it, they’ve probably been thinking about breaking things off a good while before the breakup itself if they knew they were unhappy. That means that they will be ready to move on first, so remember that if you’re feeling pressure to recover on a certain timeline or timeframe. Take your time.

They’ll experience regret.
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No matter how assured the person who dumps you is of their decision, there will always be a small panic. The last-minute regret. The “what am I doing, what if no-one else will love me?” stage. Don’t listen to that voice in your head. We all have it and that’s okay. But regret exists to trap us and tether us to the past – a past that doesn’t serve us and isn’t really what we want. No matter how much we might think so. Regret can give us perspective but it isn’t the stone-cold truth. It’s capricious, tied to a sense of loss and fear for the future and your own vulnerability. Regret rarely remembers the good stuff that could still happen or the bad things in the relationship that ended.

They’ll feel Relief.
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It’s the opposite of the panic just before the decision, it’s the relief after having made that jump. No matter how much you might hate your ex in the moment for making you feel terrible, remember that it’s always for a reason. Other than cheating, the breakup betrays something greater, an underlying issue that isn’t being addressed. Needs that aren’t being, or cannot be, met. The long-term future is what you’re aiming for. Try to mitigate your present pain in that knowledge. Everything happens for a reason. With time, you will feel that way too.

So there you are. Maybe we aren’t so different from the dumper after all. Sometimes you’re dumped, sometimes you have to take that leap of faith and demand something more. Whether you want to believe it or not, that does take courage, and it is an action that in the long term respects both parties. So sit and eat your ice cream to a week of FRIENDS reruns, but know that the dumper is probably doing the same. And that that’s okay. That’s healthy.

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The best dating/relationships advice on the web – sponsored. If you’re reading this, check out Relationship Hero a site where highly trained relationship coaches get you, get your situation, and help you accomplish what you want. They help you through complicated and difficult love situations like deciphering mixed signals, getting over a breakup, or anything else you’re worried about. You immediately connect with an awesome coach via text or over the phone in minutes. Just click here…

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‘Nasty’ Woman Hacked Into Ex’s Alexa Speaker To Threaten And Insult His New Girlfriend

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A British woman was convicted in court of using an Amazon Echo device to harass his ex’s new partner. Phillippa Copleston-Warren, 46, from London, had access to the device in her ex’s home some 100 miles away in Lincolnshire and hacked Alexa to repeatedly insult the new woman he’s dating, BBC News reports. She also posted a nude photo of her ex-boyfriend online.

She only had access to the device because of her dog. Copleston-Warren’s dog was staying at her ex’s place and was under his care after it got medical treatment in October 2019. In order to check on the animal, she was given joint access to the CCTV cameras at the property as well as the Alexa system.

Coplestone-Warren wanted to harass her ex’s new girlfriend. She used Alexa to say “get the whore out” when the woman entered his bedroom, Isleworth Crown Court heard during the trial. She also sent other threatening voice messages and switched the bedside light on and off repeatedly and sent other threats via WhatsApp.

She directed plenty of harassment towards her ex, as well. Coplestone-Warren locked her ex out of his Facebook and Match.com accounts and sent out nasty messages from his accounts to his new girlfriend. She then posted a nude photo of her ex online with the caption: “Do I look fat?”

Coplestone-Warren at least pleaded guilty to what she’d done. At sentencing this week, she admitted harassing her ex’s new girlfriend after previously having admitted disclosing private sexual images with intent to cause distress. “Judge John Denniss said: “I have no doubt that at the time of the offense you were concerned about your dog and the operation it had just had. But I am not convinced at all that that was the primary or the only factor that was causing you personal distress. There was an element which was nasty, of jealousy, of revenge, and irrational behavior which led to fury-like behavior in you. I use the word because it reminds me of the aphorism, ‘Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned,’ and here there are elements of that fury.”

Coplestone-Warren was sentenced to three months in prison, suspended for a year. She’s also subject to a seven-year restraining order.

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The best dating/relationships advice on the web – sponsored. If you’re reading this, check out Relationship Hero a site where highly trained relationship coaches get you, get your situation, and help you accomplish what you want. They help you through complicated and difficult love situations like deciphering mixed signals, getting over a breakup, or anything else you’re worried about. You immediately connect with an awesome coach via text or over the phone in minutes. Just click here…

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Doe He Think He Owns You? Signs Of A Possessive Man And How To Fix It

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A relationship is supposed to be a union of two equals, and that definitely ain’t happening if your boyfriend thinks he’s your boss instead of your partner. When you’re dealing with a possessive man, you not only feel like you’re constantly under his thumb but you might even worry for your safety if his controlling ways were to go too far. Here are a few signs he thinks he owns you and how you can put a stop to them ASAP. If that doesn’t work, you’ll just have to kick him to the curb.

His hackles go up the minute you interact with another male.

Whether it’s your longtime colleague or your best guy friend from high school, your boyfriend loses his mind whenever you talk to another man. Suddenly it’s like he’s some wild ape in the forest, puffing up his chest and standing with his arm around you a little too tight to show the world that you’re his. It’s not cool – in fact, it’s kinda gross. Make sure you point out that you’re with him, not these other guys, and that should be enough for him. If it isn’t, that’s his problem.

Every time you go out with your friends, he won’t leave you alone.
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You go out to the bar with your girls just to dance, have a few drinks, and unwind after a long week at work… and yet somehow your boyfriend still finds a reason to text you 900 times that night. Whether he’s telling you a pointless story about something the cat did or asking if you’re “okay,” if you can’t go out without him being on your case, that’s one of the major signs of a possessive man. Let him know when you go out that you’ll be turning your phone off to concentrate on your BFFs instead of the screen you stare at all week. If he loses his cool, he’s gotta go.

He tries to control what you wear.
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He never wants you to go out with a short skirt or a revealing top, but he frames it because he’s just so concerned for your safety and wouldn’t want anything “bad” to happen to you. In reality, he’s trying to control what you wear because he’s afraid if you look too good you’ll get attention from other men, and he can’t cope with that. (And to be honest, he’s probably right – you’re hot!) Let him know he’s your partner, not your parent, and that you dress yourself. He thought you looked pretty damn good when you first met, didn’t he?

He wants to be your number one.
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Obviously the guy in your life is a priority, but you do have other things going on, just as you should. A possessive man expects you to drop everything to be all about him 24/7, and that’s not only unrealistic, it’s also incredibly toxic. Insist on continuing to have a full, complete life outside of your relationship. He can be part of it – and if he doesn’t want to, he’s free to go.

He’s all over your social media.
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Under every single post you put up, there’s your boyfriend with his heart emojis or some declarative statement about how he’s so glad you’re his. Boy, if he doesn’t chill out… It’s kinda hard to tell him that he doesn’t need to be all over you on social media, so maybe just hide his comments when they pop up if they get extra annoying. However, if it’s too over-the-top, you’ll have to tell him to relax.

While it’s great that he seems to care about you, what your boyfriend needs to remember is that showing signs of being a possessive man are completely unattractive and borderline dangerous. If he can’t get a hold on his insecurities and allow you the freedom to just be, the relationship is never going to last.

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The best dating/relationships advice on the web – sponsored. If you’re reading this, check out Relationship Hero a site where highly trained relationship coaches get you, get your situation, and help you accomplish what you want. They help you through complicated and difficult love situations like deciphering mixed signals, getting over a breakup, or anything else you’re worried about. You immediately connect with an awesome coach via text or over the phone in minutes. Just click here…

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How Long Should You Date Before Getting Engaged?

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While there’s no one singular timeline that works for every relationship, it’s natural to want to hit certain milestones, especially if you’re getting into your late 20s or even 30s. You don’t want to rush things or make bad decisions in love, but you also don’t want to rest on your laurels and miss the boat on some of the bigger “accomplishments” you’re told to want by society. So how long should you date before getting engaged and then married? Well, that all depends.

Do you even want to get married?

It might seem like a reasonable assumption that all long-term couples are eventually going to want to lock things down by saying “I do,” but that’s certainly not the case anymore. Many couples are happy to just be together and don’t believe that a piece of paper solidifies their relationship in any way. Before you even consider about the right time to get married, figure out if you want to do it at all or if eternally dating is your preferred mode.

Do you know each other inside and out?
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It goes without saying that you have no business thinking of marrying someone until you truly know them. The honeymoon period and even the months proceeding will show you your partner in the best possible light. It takes more time together to truly get to know one another’s faults, downfalls, and idiosyncrasies and decide if they’re compatible with your life and what you can deal with. Dating is a time to learn this knowledge – don’t get engaged until you have it.

The average is one to three years.
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If you do feel like tying the knot is something you want in your future, a “reasonable” amount of time, according to clinical sexologist and relationship expert Dawn Michael, Ph.D., is between one and three years. However, she’s quick to note that “each couple is different depending on age and circumstances,” so this time frame may not work for you, and that’s okay!

The more time you’re together before marriage, the better your prospects.
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A study by Emory University scientists discovered that couples who were dating for at least three years before getting engaged were 39% less likely to get divorced than those who popped the question in the first year. That makes perfect sense!

At the end of the day, you have to do what’s right for you.
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If you and your partner decide you want to get married, you’ll intrinsically know when it’s the right time. There’s no rush either – if you’re going to spend the rest of your life together, you have plenty of time to plan your wedding. For now, just enjoy the process.

The best dating/relationships advice on the web – sponsored. If you’re reading this, check out Relationship Hero a site where highly trained relationship coaches get you, get your situation, and help you accomplish what you want. They help you through complicated and difficult love situations like deciphering mixed signals, getting over a breakup, or anything else you’re worried about. You immediately connect with an awesome coach via text or over the phone in minutes. Just click here…

The best dating/relationships advice on the web – sponsored. If you’re reading this, check out Relationship Hero a site where highly trained relationship coaches get you, get your situation, and help you accomplish what you want. They help you through complicated and difficult love situations like deciphering mixed signals, getting over a breakup, or anything else you’re worried about. You immediately connect with an awesome coach via text or over the phone in minutes. Just click here…

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