One of the hardest parts about dating is trying to fully understand your guy’s intentions. Trying to decipher what every action means can be tiresome, but it’s also important if you want to make sure you’re both on the same page. Sometimes, a guy sends mixed messages because he really doesn’t know how to respond. Here’s what they mean when you’re really confused about their intentions.
If he asks you for dinner and then cancels, it might be innocent.
If he works long hours or has a kid, those are both reasonable explanations. But if he cancels on you and then you check his Instagram and see he went out with his friends, then that’s a snub. This guy isn’t serious about you and is using you as filler. If you want to have a friends-with-benefits relationship with him, you’re on the right track. But if you want something more substantial, this isn’t it.
He acts like he’s into you but then treats you like nothing but a friend.
This is a particularly tough limbo to be in. Your guy may be trying to hide his own emotions for you to avoid getting hurt, or he could be testing the waters. If you like him, you need to reciprocate flirtiness. Otherwise, he’ll think he may be crossing a boundary. It’s also possible he did like you but is now trying to get over you. Now’s the best time to ask him out and see what he thinks.
He sleeps with you, but then tells you he’s “not ready for anything serious.”
That’s guy-code for “you’re marriage material, and I’m not ready to get married.” It hurts if you really liked this guy, but he’ll never commit. Enjoy the relationship for what it was and move on.
He could have gotten really hurt in the past.
We all come with baggage. It’s possible he was in a serious relationship before and got hurt. If she cheated on him, he may be sending mixed messages to avoid getting hurt like that again. Or, it’s possible he knows that texting a lot and prying into your life is a bit intimidating, so he tries to back off and is creating uneven and worrisome communication patterns. Just know that a lot of his actions are likely shaped by his last relationship.
It’s possible he has little to no dating experience.
Don’t assume that he knows what he’s doing and saying just because he’s a certain age. A lot of people aren’t used to suddenly getting attention from women, and it’s possible he doesn’t want to mess this up. He might be getting bad advice from his friends or even the internet. The best way to handle a guy like this is to be straightforward with him. Don’t let him waste your time. Say something like, “I like you, but I can’t handle these mixed signals.” He’ll be happy that you’re straightforward and honest.
He starts love-bombing you and then cools off.
Either he’s into the chase, or he heard something that made him scared to proceed further. Do you have a bad reputation with his friend group? Did you meet his parents and say something that might have set them off? If you didn’t act differently around him in any way, it’s possible he was more into the idea of falling in love with you than he is you.
He wants a casual relationship, but he’s not a casual relationship guy.
If you’re the type of person who thrives in long and lengthy relationships but wants to try something new, of course you might not know how that all works. This guy is probably having a tough time trying to find the right words to state his intentions with you. If you really like him, make it easier by taking control of the situation and saying something like, “I’m looking for a partner and not a fling.”
He’s chatty with you in person but runs cold through text.
Not everyone is attached to their phone, and not everyone feels comfortable texting back and forth. You need to learn his text style. But if he’s always happy and welcoming to see you in person, it’s likely something you shouldn’t take personally. It’s possible he’s just not keen on expressing himself in that way.
You absolutely scare him.
Sometimes, guys fall so hard for someone that they really build them up in their minds. Not that you’re not a catch — you definitely are. But pretend this guy has put you on a pedestal and now doesn’t know how to proceed. He might overthink everything he texts. He may beat himself up over saying the wrong thing. If this relationship was meant to last, he’ll likely ease up with time. But for now, it can explain why he’s sending so many mixed messages.
‘Nasty’ Woman Hacked Into Ex’s Alexa Speaker To Threaten And Insult His New Girlfriend
A British woman was convicted in court of using an Amazon Echo device to harass his ex’s new partner. Phillippa Copleston-Warren, 46, from London, had access to the device in her ex’s home some 100 miles away in Lincolnshire and hacked Alexa to repeatedly insult the new woman he’s dating, BBC News reports. She also posted a nude photo of her ex-boyfriend online.
She only had access to the device because of her dog. Copleston-Warren’s dog was staying at her ex’s place and was under his care after it got medical treatment in October 2019. In order to check on the animal, she was given joint access to the CCTV cameras at the property as well as the Alexa system.
Coplestone-Warren wanted to harass her ex’s new girlfriend. She used Alexa to say “get the whore out” when the woman entered his bedroom, Isleworth Crown Court heard during the trial. She also sent other threatening voice messages and switched the bedside light on and off repeatedly and sent other threats via WhatsApp.
She directed plenty of harassment towards her ex, as well. Coplestone-Warren locked her ex out of his Facebook and Match.com accounts and sent out nasty messages from his accounts to his new girlfriend. She then posted a nude photo of her ex online with the caption: “Do I look fat?”
Coplestone-Warren at least pleaded guilty to what she’d done. At sentencing this week, she admitted harassing her ex’s new girlfriend after previously having admitted disclosing private sexual images with intent to cause distress. “Judge John Denniss said: “I have no doubt that at the time of the offense you were concerned about your dog and the operation it had just had. But I am not convinced at all that that was the primary or the only factor that was causing you personal distress. There was an element which was nasty, of jealousy, of revenge, and irrational behavior which led to fury-like behavior in you. I use the word because it reminds me of the aphorism, ‘Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned,’ and here there are elements of that fury.”
Coplestone-Warren was sentenced to three months in prison, suspended for a year. She’s also subject to a seven-year restraining order.
Doe He Think He Owns You? Signs Of A Possessive Man And How To Fix It
A relationship is supposed to be a union of two equals, and that definitely ain’t happening if your boyfriend thinks he’s your boss instead of your partner. When you’re dealing with a possessive man, you not only feel like you’re constantly under his thumb but you might even worry for your safety if his controlling ways were to go too far. Here are a few signs he thinks he owns you and how you can put a stop to them ASAP. If that doesn’t work, you’ll just have to kick him to the curb.
His hackles go up the minute you interact with another male.
Whether it’s your longtime colleague or your best guy friend from high school, your boyfriend loses his mind whenever you talk to another man. Suddenly it’s like he’s some wild ape in the forest, puffing up his chest and standing with his arm around you a little too tight to show the world that you’re his. It’s not cool – in fact, it’s kinda gross. Make sure you point out that you’re with him, not these other guys, and that should be enough for him. If it isn’t, that’s his problem.
Every time you go out with your friends, he won’t leave you alone.
You go out to the bar with your girls just to dance, have a few drinks, and unwind after a long week at work… and yet somehow your boyfriend still finds a reason to text you 900 times that night. Whether he’s telling you a pointless story about something the cat did or asking if you’re “okay,” if you can’t go out without him being on your case, that’s one of the major signs of a possessive man. Let him know when you go out that you’ll be turning your phone off to concentrate on your BFFs instead of the screen you stare at all week. If he loses his cool, he’s gotta go.
He tries to control what you wear.
He never wants you to go out with a short skirt or a revealing top, but he frames it because he’s just so concerned for your safety and wouldn’t want anything “bad” to happen to you. In reality, he’s trying to control what you wear because he’s afraid if you look too good you’ll get attention from other men, and he can’t cope with that. (And to be honest, he’s probably right – you’re hot!) Let him know he’s your partner, not your parent, and that you dress yourself. He thought you looked pretty damn good when you first met, didn’t he?
He wants to be your number one.
Obviously the guy in your life is a priority, but you do have other things going on, just as you should. A possessive man expects you to drop everything to be all about him 24/7, and that’s not only unrealistic, it’s also incredibly toxic. Insist on continuing to have a full, complete life outside of your relationship. He can be part of it – and if he doesn’t want to, he’s free to go.
He’s all over your social media.
Under every single post you put up, there’s your boyfriend with his heart emojis or some declarative statement about how he’s so glad you’re his. Boy, if he doesn’t chill out… It’s kinda hard to tell him that he doesn’t need to be all over you on social media, so maybe just hide his comments when they pop up if they get extra annoying. However, if it’s too over-the-top, you’ll have to tell him to relax.
While it’s great that he seems to care about you, what your boyfriend needs to remember is that showing signs of being a possessive man are completely unattractive and borderline dangerous. If he can’t get a hold on his insecurities and allow you the freedom to just be, the relationship is never going to last.
How Long Should You Date Before Getting Engaged?
While there’s no one singular timeline that works for every relationship, it’s natural to want to hit certain milestones, especially if you’re getting into your late 20s or even 30s. You don’t want to rush things or make bad decisions in love, but you also don’t want to rest on your laurels and miss the boat on some of the bigger “accomplishments” you’re told to want by society. So how long should you date before getting engaged and then married? Well, that all depends.
Do you even want to get married?
It might seem like a reasonable assumption that all long-term couples are eventually going to want to lock things down by saying “I do,” but that’s certainly not the case anymore. Many couples are happy to just be together and don’t believe that a piece of paper solidifies their relationship in any way. Before you even consider about the right time to get married, figure out if you want to do it at all or if eternally dating is your preferred mode.
Do you know each other inside and out?
It goes without saying that you have no business thinking of marrying someone until you truly know them. The honeymoon period and even the months proceeding will show you your partner in the best possible light. It takes more time together to truly get to know one another’s faults, downfalls, and idiosyncrasies and decide if they’re compatible with your life and what you can deal with. Dating is a time to learn this knowledge – don’t get engaged until you have it.
The average is one to three years.
If you do feel like tying the knot is something you want in your future, a “reasonable” amount of time, according to clinical sexologist and relationship expert Dawn Michael, Ph.D., is between one and three years. However, she’s quick to note that “each couple is different depending on age and circumstances,” so this time frame may not work for you, and that’s okay!
The more time you’re together before marriage, the better your prospects.
A study by Emory University scientists discovered that couples who were dating for at least three years before getting engaged were 39% less likely to get divorced than those who popped the question in the first year. That makes perfect sense!
At the end of the day, you have to do what’s right for you.
If you and your partner decide you want to get married, you’ll intrinsically know when it’s the right time. There’s no rush either – if you’re going to spend the rest of your life together, you have plenty of time to plan your wedding. For now, just enjoy the process.
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