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How To Play A Player At His Own Game And Come Out On Top

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Is there anything more frustrating than a guy who won’t commit? Or, equally, one that thinks he’s the best thing since sliced bread? No, is the short answer. Follow-up question: why is it always the blandest men who kick up the most fuss? These players just aren’t worth the hassle most of the time, so why not give them a taste of their own medicine? Here’s how to play the player and get your own back!

Go out without him.

Don’t be subtle about it, either. Take all those provocative pictures, wear an amazing outfit, embrace your confident side. Show him what he’s missing. More than that, tell him that you won’t wait around for him. To quote my discerning sister: ‘as if I couldn’t fill out a first, second, and third-team squad – with benches – filled with interested guys. Female players have a lot to offer. Why not embrace the attention? No one should be ashamed or guilty when they attract other people. Show the world and he’ll be sat at home liking your pictures and wondering where it all went wrong.

Play hard to get.
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Don’t be on standby and constantly drop plans to meet with him. Show him that you’re in control and that you value your time more than his. Until he can prove himself as a worthwhile partner, don’t give him the time of day. He has to work and put the effort in for you. If he doesn’t, it saves everyone a boatload of time to have remained independent.

Leave him on read.
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I said it. It’s controversial, I know, but hear me out. If he deigns to reply to you once in a blue moon, why would you reply immediately? Don’t give him the satisfaction. If you’re replying so infrequently, there’s no connection. By all means, keep things as a casual hookup, but if you want to play the player, you have to keep it cool. Blow him off. Keep him on his feet. Don’t be predictable.

Make the first move.
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If you are interested and you like where things are going but you still want to change things up, don’t be afraid to make the first move. Players will expect to be in control. Instead, set the terms of the relationship for yourself. Don’t let him give you the ‘I’ll text you later’ nonsense. Your time is too valuable to wait around. Ask him out. Be bold.

See other people.
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Both of you understand that this thing is casual. Unless you have had a conversation to the contrary, seeing other people is fair game. Don’t lock yourself down. He won’t. Keep your options open and have fun. Truthfully, the talking stage is no fun so make sure you get your laughs in somehow.

Experiment.
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With everything. Use the player as a trial run, basically. Be shameless about it. He’s doing the same thing. Try out new relationship boundaries, new positions in bed, different communicating styles. Figure out what works for you. There’s much more time to do this when you’re not running after the wrong guy.

Keep it casual.
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No one is gunning for marriage here. Don’t force yourself or him into a relationship that neither of you wants. Maybe he will be used to women around him wanting to jump into something serious, but buck that trend. Do the unexpected. There are so many ways to be with someone, try them out. You don’t owe him all your time … or your secrets. Through him a loop by just dipping your toes in.

Know your boundaries.
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I know a lot of this player business is easier said than done, so make sure you know what you want. Don’t let anyone tell you to do anything you don’t feel comfortable doing. It sounds great to play the player, in theory. But make sure that the practical realities are actually up your street. Stop whenever you feel you’ve made your point; or, embrace these new parts of your personality. If you do it on your terms, being a ‘player’ in the modern world can be super liberating. It changes how you view relationships entirely. However, it’s not for everyone. There’s a reason we are told: “Don’t hate the player, hate the game.”

Don’t commit.
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Take things slow. Have a few people on rotation. Keep up with your friends and family. Communicate your needs to everyone you’re seeing, and use the flexibility as an opportunity to take risks!

So, next time a player screws you over and wastes your time, here’s a template to reclaim your power next time!

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The best dating/relationships advice on the web – sponsored. If you’re reading this, check out Relationship Hero a site where highly trained relationship coaches get you, get your situation, and help you accomplish what you want. They help you through complicated and difficult love situations like deciphering mixed signals, getting over a breakup, or anything else you’re worried about. You immediately connect with an awesome coach via text or over the phone in minutes. Just click here…

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Why A Guy Wants To “Take Things Slow” And What It Means

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When you start seeing a new guy and things are going well, obviously you’re going to want to ramp things up quickly. After all, it’s not often that you find someone you actually like and who seems to like you back, so why wouldn’t you want to lock things down ASAP? However, when he turns around and says he’d like to “take things slow,” it can totally deflate you. What does this mean and why is he saying it? Here are a few possible meanings.

He’s been hurt before and he’s scared of it happening again.

It might seem like a giant red flag when a guy says he wants to take things slow, but there could be a really innocent reason behind it, and this is it. If he had a really bad breakup or got his heart totally stomped on by a previous girlfriend, maybe he’s really struggling with the damage that relationship caused. He could be terrified of experiencing the same thing again. Yes, you’re not her, but that doesn’t make it any easier to trust again.

He wants to be sure how he feels about you before it gets too heavy.
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In a way, this guy is doing you a favor by requesting to take things slow. Yeah, it might not feel good knowing that he’s not 100% sure about you right away, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing either. You’d rather him be all about you and certain of his feelings for you than to lead you on and then decide in a few weeks or a few months that he’s just not feeling it anymore. In this case, pacing yourselves is a blessing in disguise.

He doesn’t want to give up being a bachelor.
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This is pretty immature but it does happen. He might be interested in dating you but he also loves playing the field and not being tied down. By slowing down the pace at which your relationship progresses, he can continue to claim that you’re not exclusive and that he’s doing nothing wrong by dating multiple women at once without risking losing you. Lame but true.

He doesn’t actually want a long-term relationship.
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He might be happy to date you, maybe even exclusively, but the guy might want to take things slow because he doesn’t want a long-term relationship and all the responsibilities that come with it. Maybe being a boyfriend isn’t really for him but he doesn’t know how to tell you to (and doesn’t want to) because he still wants you in his life. If that’s the case, he should just come out and say it.

He legitimately wants to do things right this time.
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It’s tempting to want to jump right in with this guy, especially if he checks a lot of boxes on your list. However, he’s likely doing the right thing by suggesting you take things slow because it gives you both an opportunity to truly get to know one another and see if your chemistry will last and if you’re compatible long-term. It may be frustrating and you may want to pick up the pace, but give it time. If it’s meant to be, you’ve got forever.

 

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How To Give Yourself Closure When You Can’t Get It From Your Ex

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Wouldn’t it be great if, whenever a relationship ended, you had total clarity on what happened and why and were able to move on quickly and easily because of it? Sadly, that’s not the case, and most breakups are so traumatic because so much is left unresolved. If your ex is unable or willing to hash things out with you, here’s how to give yourself closure so that you can end that chapter of your life and look forward to happier times.

Give yourself time and space to grieve.

There’s no use pretending that you don’t care about the breakup or you’re totally over your ex. Neither of those things are true and that’s okay. In fact, it’s more than okay – it’s natural. In order to give yourself closure, you need to embrace the feelings you have and let yourself experience them fully. The only way out is through, in other words. Give yourself the grace to grieve so that you can process those feelings before moving on from them.

Write it all down.
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Whether it’s in a letter to your ex that you’ll never send or in ranting journal entries where you spew out every random thought about your ex and your relationship that crosses your mind. Both of these things are totally safe activities that allow you to expell the negativity, pain, and anger you’re holding in your body so that you can begin to heal from it. After that, you can truly start to achieve closure.

Take responsibility for yourself.
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A relationship takes two people to make it work and, generally speaking, two people to make it fall apart. Unless your ex cheated on you or betrayed you in some other extreme way, chances are there were things you did wrong and ways in which you contributed to its downfall. If you want to give yourself closure, you’ll need to own up to your screw-ups so that you can reflect on them and so that you don’t make the same mistakes in future.

Talk to a professional, if needed.
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If you find that you’re really struggling to move on from your relationship and/or your ex, you may need to seek profesionally therapy. Having an unbiased person to listen to your feelings and offer objective feedback could be exactly what you need to finally get a grip on the situation and pick yourself back up so you can love again.

Make a plan for the future.
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It’s always helpful to have something to look forward to. In order to give yourself closure, you need to have something to look forward to. Think about what you want, both in love and in life in general, and make a plan for how you’re going to get it. Having goals and things you want to achieve will go a long way in helping you heal.

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Warning Signs He’s A Toxic Guy And You Need To Stay Away

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Toxic guys can be hard to spot. Although they tend to display a few common red flags, it’s not always easy to notice when they’re furiously waving in front of you when you like the person waving them. Knowing what to look out for is the best way to identify when a toxic guy has come into your life. Read on for a few classic warning signs that you should stay away from him.

He leaves you on read.

Leaving someone on read is often a power play. They know that you’ve seen their message and are choosing not to respond to it. So if a guy does this to you constantly, he is either intentionally trying to establish power by leaving you waiting for him, or is so clueless that they don’t understand what it feels like to be left on read. Honestly, it’s more likely to be the former, which is one of the biggest signs that he’s a toxic guy.

He only talks to you late at night.
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If a guy only talks to you in the wee hours, it can mean that he’s only after one thing. Unless there’s some pressing reason why, such as you both having abnormal work schedules, this often means he only wants you for the kind of conversation and activities that happen late at night. If you do sleep early, then refusing to text you at any other time also demonstrates a lack of respect for your schedule.

He cancels your dates without any excuse.
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This is a huge red flag. Not that people are obligated to detail all of their reasoning to you. But if he throws you out by canceling at the last minute, the least he can do is apologize and explain himself. If he doesn’t even bother to give you an excuse, it shows that he doesn’t really value your feelings enough to justify himself.

He shows up late to see you.
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This might not seem like a big deal but it’s actually one of the most obvious signs of a toxic guy. Maybe even worse than bailing is rocking up late to your dates. Sometimes, people are late and they can’t help it. It’s okay as long as they apologize. But if he regularly rocks up late and doesn’t explain why, and doesn’t say sorry, it shows that he doesn’t care that he’s wasting your time. A guy like that is toxic.

He tries to undermine your confidence.
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Sometimes, guys who are insecure will try to undermine your confidence and bring you down to their level. He might insult you under the guise of a joke. Or he might manipulate you into focusing on and talking about a sore spot that hurts your feelings. No matter how he does it, you should avoid this type of guy at all costs.

He pushes your boundaries.
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Boundaries are there for a reason. If a guy tests your boundaries—even the ones that don’t seem major to you—it shows a huge lack of respect. And it could also show that he might be willing to test other boundaries you have, that are even more important to you. For example, if you have dinner with him and tell him you’re not drinking, and then he orders you a vodka lime anyway, he clearly doesn’t care about the boundary you’ve set. It shows that he’s more interested in meeting his needs than yours.

He lies.
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A liar is someone to stay away from. While most people might hide things from the person they’re dating in the beginning, you should eventually get a good idea of whether he’s an honest person or not. Does he lie about things for no reason? Does he keep things from you to manipulate you, because he knows you’d leave him if you found out? Non-white lies are a red flag and a sign of toxic behavior – if this guy is showing you the signs, believe him.

He guilts you for standing up for yourself.
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It can be scary to stand up for yourself, especially around someone you’re dating. Pay attention to how he responds when you do stand up for yourself. Does he make you feel guilty, like you’re being out of line for having your own back? Or does he gaslight you and make you think you overreacted? If so, he’s not good for you.

He lacks basic manners and courtesy.
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Manners are basic but important. Despite the appeal of a rude boy, it’s very hard to have a serious relationship with someone who lacks courtesy. Why? In most cases, someone who lacks courtesy also lacks respect. Does he apologize for being late? Say thank you when you pay for dinner? Treat the wait staff with respect? These can all speak volumes about his integrity.

He brags about his toxic behavior.
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Perhaps the single most toxic thing a person can do is brag about their toxic behavior. Notice how he speaks about his exes, or the other women he’s dated. Does he laugh as he tells you that he ghosts people when he’s sick of them? That he made an ex cry? Or that he used someone for sex? If he proudly talks about any of the toxic things he’s done, set him free. And tell him not to let the door hit him on his way out.

The signs of a toxic guy may not always be easy to spot, but the more you pay attention, the easier it’ll be to notice them.

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The best dating/relationships advice on the web – Sponsored If you’re reading this, check out Relationship Hero, a site where highly trained relationship coaches get you, get your situation, and help you accomplish what you want. They help you through complicated and difficult love situations like deciphering mixed signals, getting over a breakup, or anything else you’re worried about. You immediately connect with an awesome coach on text or over the phone in minutes. Just click here…

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