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The type of abuse that is most difficult to detect and heal from

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A lot of things can hurt us in many different ways. Words, actions, gestures, can all take the form of abuse and may leave an everlasting impact on a person’s life.

While some learn to let go, some bury it deep in their hearts, others may go on to forgive. But one thing that’s impossible to do is to ‘forget’.

No matter how ‘moved on’ in life you are, a small part of you will always bear the ill effects of the trauma and abuse.

All traumatic experiences are different, but in no way can we measure or tell which is greater or what may have left a severe impact on a person.

Abuse in all its forms can be serious and toll-taking. Rising above it and healing from it can be more difficult than the experience itself.

That said, let us first understand the many different types of abuse that can affect us directly or indirectly.

Different types of abuse

There are many different types of abuse that we may or may not be aware of. While some are evident, there are those that are hidden behind words and silent gestures. To help you get a better understanding of it all, here are the types of abuse you should know about.

– Physical abuse: This type of abuse is the most easy to identify and to many it is also the first thing that comes to mind when a person hears the word ‘abuse’. Physical abuse therefore can be in the form of hitting, slapping, punching, kicking, strangling or more.

– Sexual abuse: Sexual abuse can be both a form of physical and non-physical abuse. It is when a person is forced into a sexual activity or is subject to sexual slurs or when sex is used as a weapon to make the victim comply.

– Emotional abuse – Emotional or verbal abuse are non-physical. They may not leave a physical scar, but may take a lot of time to heal.

– Psychological abuse: Mental abuse is when a person’s actions or words take a toll on another person’s psychological being.

– Financial abuse: Abuse is all about power and control and in today’s world, money is a way to maintain one’s dominance over others. That said, financial abuse is when a person tries to take over all the finances and budget planning in a relationship.

– Cultural abuse: Identity is a very crucial aspect of a person’s being. So, if a person’s identity, for instance their race, sex, gender, caste, creed, religion or ethnicity, is targeted, it can be a form of cultural abuse.

Keeping in consideration all these types of abuses, let us delve into an abuse that is the most difficult to detect and heal from.

Why is emotional abuse the most difficult to deal with?

Any form of abuse that inflicts pain, suffering, deprives one of his or her trust in people, can be hard to deal with and heal from. However, emotional abuse is the one kind that can slowly and steadily empty one’s soul and make them feel stranded.

Being affected emotionally is a slow process wherein the damage done is subtle, almost unidentifiable. However, once it is recognized, it may already be too late. It could involve years and years of verbal criticism, brainwashing, taunts, manipulation, nagging and constant bickering. The abuse is so continuous that one tends to lose his or her true identity and comes to believe everything that they’re told.

Even if one escapes such abuse, the impact remains and is carried forward into the next phase of their life. Until and unless one finds a great support system, someone to bring back the confidence, self-esteem, they may never heal.

Associated trauma can affect your life in many ways

There are many ways in which emotional abuse can affect you. Not only does it hamper your sense of identity, but it also impacts your relationships in the future.

Whether in a familial relationship or a romantic bond, an emotional abuse can arise anywhere where emotions are concerned. If you’re in an abusive relationship, there will be a lot of trauma. Besides the fact that your self-esteem will suffer, not only will you have trust issues with everyone around you, but you will also find it hard to believe in yourself.

Since you are deprived of the ‘fairytale’ you initially expected, you’re bound to feel alone and doubtful of anything positive that comes your way in the future. Even when it’s all over, the fear and the anxiety that comes along with every memory can be mentally taxing. The criticism, the constant monitoring and the nagging continues to affect you in the form of flashbacks.

That said, it is a tiring journey that can only be overcome by supportive people and the will to be positive all over again.

Healing from an emotional abuse can take a lot of time

An emotional abuse can be traumatic both when it is occurring and even when it is over. It is not something that stops with the end of abuse.

From recovering to re-stabilizing your mind and your life, there’s a lot of effort that goes into it. It is a long process that needs patience and kindness toward oneself. If you believe that it will all go away once you’re out of the abuse, then you’re wrong. You must realise that it will take longer than you expect. But with all the positivity and support, it is achievable and very possible.

Recovery may take extra effort

If you’re someone who underwent great emotional abuse, you may feel like your world has ended. But truth be told, it is just the beginning of a new phase in your life. All the trauma you experienced and the emotional baggage you carry is what will make you a greater person in the future.

While it will take time, with constant effort and the will to grow, you’re sure to recover from the trauma. But first and foremost, seek help. Do not try and fight it alone. During your emotional recovery, it is important that you have people around you or a professional help to guide you through this.

Look for ways to cope with your anxiety. Keep yourself occupied and do things that you love. Trust yourself and others and work on building a strong ‘self’. That said, once you recover, prepare yourself for any flashbacks or triggers, but do not be caught off guard. Rather help yourself manage them efficiently.

Lifestyle

10 ways to make a rich, classy chic fall in love with you

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Most of the rich girls in town really are in search of true love.

These rich executive chics really do not have time for long talk.

If you know the right thing to do, and how to position yourself you will have them eating from your palms.

So if you are a guy who can give them the love and tender care they so crave for, here are some tips that can help you get them loving up fully.

These rich chics really do not care about your money, but they appreciate a guy who has a good dress sense and a good shoe to go with it.

Now I do not mean you should break the bank. These chics are not about the fashion brand.

Guy if you have an “OK shirt, “starch and iron it mehn! Look neat and well groomed and you are good to make a catch.

An empty head does no one any good. These rich chics have seen it all, so do not try to impress. Just make sense and get reasonable information on every subject you can lay your hands on.

“Guy no be say you dey go do exam oh!” Give intelligent advice and do not barge in on conversations. Just carry yourself as an informed person humbly.

Pride turns off these rich chics.

Get to know what she loves and be informed about it. Love what she loves with all the passion in you, and you will reap the benefits of your long suffering. Be the person to volunteer to be part of their hobbies etc. Show interest genuinely.

Don’t try to be a comedian. You will just fool yourself. Just have a good sense of humor. No dirty jokes please.

Do not run to them or answer their calls, anytime they call you. You sef form busy. These rich girls appreciate you when you have a vision and you are working at it. Do not just paint dreams. Work towards your dreams

Never ask for help financially or in any other form. Do not even ask for contacts or connection, even when you know they have it. Be a self made man.

This guy! The mistake most guys make is that they quickly start asking for help when they find out that the rich chic is in to them and loves spending.

Guy, even when she gives you money, pretend not to want it at first, make her beg you to take it. Never ask for any favour. Always pay the bill when you go out.

If you cannot afford the hotels they frequently go to, tell them so. You can say “Right now, I cannot afford those kind of hotels, but it is a matter of time I will take you there. But today let us go to mama bose’s place” They will appreciate you for being real and aspiring to get to the top.

Use lovely, romantic poetic words to tell them how you feel about them. Do a hand-written letter. They get cards all the time. Be different unique and creative.

Exude an aura of confidence. Never be intimidated about their cars, friends, house and all that. Do not be proud because those kind of chics cannot stand proud dudes, that is why they are not dating guys from their class.

Women generally love a caring man. Genuinely show concern for the poor and you are top on their list.

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Lifestyle

6 testosterone-killing foods all men should aviod

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Do you know that the foods you consume on daily basis play a great role in your health? Testosterone is a very vital hormone for your strength, muscles, and intercourse urge as a man.

Testosterone takes part in the work of your heart, brain, bones, glands, and it helps prevent type 2 diabetes. Therefore, the degree of testosterone is mainly important for your health and sex life.

The same way certain foods can boost your testosterone level, that is the same way some foods can destroy your testosterone level. Some testosterone killing foods all men should avoid include;

1. Alcohol

Alcohol is a drink many men consume but do not k ow how detrimental it is to their health. If you have a low testosterone level, drinking alcohol can only do you harm. Alcohol heightens the changeover of testosterone to estrogen and that’s one of the justifications why men become so emotional after a few glasses. Try and limit the amount of alcohol you consume on daily basis.

2. Bottled water

It is not the water that is the problem here, but the bottle. Plastic bottles in general, are harmful to men. This is because they contain bisphenol. That is a chemical substance found in plastic products. It can significantly lower your testosterone. The harmful chemical substance bisphenol A, better known as BPA, can lead to sexual dysfunction and can lower the number of spermatozoa in men. Always make sure you consume clean water to stay healthy.

3. Microwave popcorn

Studies have shown that microwave popcorn is one of the worst foods that kill testosterone. Microwave popcorn hurts testosterone levels and sex drive. This is because It contains a lot of chemicals that can cause infertility, low drive for intimacy and even testicular tumour. Reduce your intake of this food to stay healthy.

4. Sodas

This might not go down well with many people but the truth is sodas are not healthy for the body. They are loaded with calories, sugar, and caffeine. They are bad for your health, weight, and testosterone levels hence try and limit how much you consume them.

5. Mint

This is another food that you need to be careful about your intake of. Mint tea is good for your stomach, but it’s bad for your libido. Mint diminishes testosterone levels, so try to drink mint tea as rarely as possible. Always consuming it is not healthy hence avoid it.

6. Fast food

Fast foods are unhealthy and can kill your testosterone level. It’s the main reason for those extra pounds that can lessen your testosterone level. Junk food and unhealthy snacks are also common sources of trans fats. Consuming trans fats from junk food can lessen testosterone. Fast foods also have other effects on the body hence avoid them.

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Lifestyle

8 ways to use baking soda for the most common skin problems

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While we are busy surfing the internet we often tend to overlook the wonderful and natural remedies that could actually be of great help.

Our kitchen is replete with amazing ingredients that could give us the skin of our dreams. Baking soda is one ingredient that you will always find in your kitchen cabinet but have your ever thought of including it in your beauty regime?

It might sound absurd but the fact is that baking soda carries immense benefits for your skin. Since it is alkaline in nature, it balances the pH levels of your skin to make it glow with radiance.

It also helps in exfoliating the dead skin cells to reveal new freshness. Here are eight ways to use this humble ingredient in dealing with your day to day beauty problems.

1. Removes acne scars

When your skin becomes clogged with dead skin, oil or bacteria, tiny pimples appear on the surface called acne. If acne is not properly dealt with, it can leave some marks and scars behind. To remove these scars from your face, use a paste of baking soda and water. Make it thick enough so that it can be easily applied to your skin. Baking soda will exfoliate the scarred skin and reveal a fresh layer. You can apply the paste two or three times in a day for 3-4 minutes and then wash off.

2. Soothes skin rashes

Baking soda has anti-inflammatory and antibacterial properties. Since it can dry out your skin due to its alkaline properties, you can get relief from itching and swelling that comes with skin rashes. Add coconut oil to baking soda and apply this paste for 4-5 minutes. You can apply this twice a day for a soothing effect.

3. Treats yeast infection

Candida fungus or yeast infection breeds in areas like the mouth, intestinal tract, throat or the genitals. Baking soda can help treat this infection due to its properties like alkalinity, pH balancing capacity and anti-fungal properties. If you are a victim of yeast infection in the intestine or internal organs, consume about half a teaspoon of baking soda mixed with a glass of water every day for about 10-15 days. To treat yeast infection on skin, make a paste with baking soda and water and use it on skin for 2-4 minutes and then wash off.

4. Remedy for sunburn

If your sun-damaged skin has been very itchy, it is best to reach out for baking soda as it has a cooling effect. Make a paste of baking soda and cold water, apply it on the effected area and then wash off.

5. Skin tan

Baking soda helps in removing skin tan. Combine a teaspoon of baking soda, water and vinegar to make a paste. Leave it on the skin for 5-10 minutes. Repeat it once or twice a week depending on how severe the skin tan is.

 6. Blackheads

Since baking soda contains anti-bacterial and anti-fungal properties, it helps in treating infections that cause blackheads. It loosens the skin around them to enable easy extraction.

7. A natural cleanser

Baking soda is alkaline in nature which helps soften the sebum and debris on the face. It also clears and opens up pores and absorbs excess oil which aids in preventing the clogging of pores.

8. Skin whitening

A facial wash with baking soda can help in whitening your skin. Make a paste using water and baking soda and scrub it gently on your face. Rub it in a circular motion for two minutes. Thereafter, wash with water and apply a moisturizer.

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