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10 Things You Need To Do Before You Meet The Love Of Your Life

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If you’re searching for a long-term partner, pause for a second and make sure you’ve taken advantage of the single life. You have the whole rest of your life to be committed to one person, but before you meet the love of your life, there are plenty of other things you need to accomplish first. Before you get attached, make sure you give these a go.

Travel by yourself.

You learn a lot about yourself when you travel alone. Whether it’s a delayed train, a hostel that doesn’t have any beds available, or an impenetrable language barrier, you will at some point feel totally out of your depth and helpless, only to find yourself problem-solving a moment later. Solo travel will introduce you to new places and people, give you a love of adventure and show you that you are more than capable of fending for yourself. Then, when you meet the love of your life, you can explore the world together.

Be single for a significant period of time.
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Some people crave the emotional support of relationships. You always have someone to go out with, to clean the house with, to eat dinner with. You never have to be alone. But being single teaches you more about yourself than any relationship could. It forces you to lean on your family and friends when things get hard. It solidifies your understanding of yourself and ensures that you never feel dependent on a relationship for happiness.

Fall in love more than once.
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You never know what kind of person you want to end up with until you sample a few options. You’ll realize that the qualities you thought were non-negotiable are irrelevant, or that the kind of partner you thought you wanted is actually incompatible. The more failed relationships you have, the better prepared you’ll be to recognize the right person when they come along. You want to meet the love of your life when you have something to compare the experience with, right?

Know your dealbreakers.
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Some differences are insurmountable, and you should know what they are before you choose someone. There are really obvious ones, like drug addiction or financial recklessness, but there are others that may not be as universal. Only you can decide what your dealbreakers are, and it’s much better to figure it out before you meet a potential spouse than after, when it’s much harder to extricate yourself.

Have a solid group of friends.
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It’s funny how focused our culture is on finding a romantic partner when friendships are far more reliable in the long term. Friends are the true soulmates. They will see you through any number of partners and make you less dependent on your romantic relationships for fulfillment and happiness. The closer you feel to your friends, the happier you’ll be with your future partners because you’ll never choose anyone out of loneliness.

Have your heart broken.
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Heartbreak is an important milestone in becoming an adult. It is evident that you let yourself be vulnerable to another person, and teaches you to heal from even the most painful of experiences. In retrospect, you will value your experience because you’ll realize that even though love can hurt you, it is still worth striving for. When you learn this lesson, you’ll be able to enter into a relationship with the love of your life knowing the true scope of your commitment to them.

Be financially responsible.
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Financial instability can ruin a relationship, but it can also force people to stay in unhealthy ones. If you’re financially independent, you’ll never have to choose between a happy relationship and having a roof over your head. Having enough money to take care of yourself means that you have the freedom to choose a life that’s best for you, with or without a partner.

Develop your passions.
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No matter how much you have in common with your future partner, you need to have your own identity. Having your own set of activities to pursue without your partner will ensure that you never define yourself solely in relation to the person you love. In order to be secure and happy, you must feel independent and fulfilled on your own.

Focus on your career aspirations.
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Falling in love is all-consuming. When you find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, everything else becomes secondary. But that initial thrill of excitement and obsession does not last in any relationship, even the most solid and happy ones. You will always benefit from having another purpose in your life besides being with the person you love. Having a career that fulfills your need for personal achievement will make you a happier partner in the long term.

Have realistic expectations about long-term commitment.
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Marriage is so romanticized that many people don’t actually know what it entails. Even though everyone knows someone who has gone through a divorce, we still fall into the trap of believing that “happily ever after” is a reasonable expectation. Before you commit to someone, talk to the people in your life who have experienced marriage. The more you understand the challenges of long-term relationships, the more selective you’ll be in your pursuit of a partner.

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10 Things Men Only Do When They’re Flirting With You, According To A Guy

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It’s in the nature of flirting to be a little mysterious and not just lay your cards down on the table. Of course, that can also make it more difficult to be sure that someone is trying to be romantic. Fortunately, most men aren’t that great at hiding their flirting; most of us have a tell. If he’s doing any of these things, chances are he’s interested in you as more than a friend.

He uses innuendo.

There’s no reason to make suggestive jokes if you’re not into the person you’re making them to. Perhaps you’re in a group of people and somebody is making a joke, but if you’re one-on-one with a guy and he goes out of his way to use innuendo in some way, safely assume that he’s flirting with you.

He tries to make jokes.
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Okay, so some people are naturally funny and always find a clever way to make jokes. However, men who go out of their way to seem hilarious are flirting. Guys love being able to make a woman laugh, which is why we try to do so when we like you. Part of us thinks it’s an easy way to get you to like us back. Unless you sense that a guy is just effortlessly funny, if he’s trying to make you laugh, he’s flirting.

He tries to figure out your relationship status.
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Can you imagine a guy trying to find out if you’re single without having an agenda? This isn’t the kind of topic guys are going to bring up unless they’re digging for information. Granted, guys aren’t always smart and smooth about bringing up this topic. If he makes an effort to find out your relationship status, just assume that everything before that and everything that follows is flirting.

He tries to impress you.
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Sure, a lot of guys are egomaniacs who are always trying to pump themselves up and let people know their best qualities. But a guy who’s flirting will always try a little harder to brag about himself in subtle and not-so-subtle ways. He’ll make an obvious effort to bring up things that he thinks you will like and be impressed by.

His voice changes.
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It’s tough to describe how a guy’s voice changes when he’s flirting because everyone is a little different. But he’ll tend to sound more excitable as if he’s trying to be positive and upbeat. After all, if he’s flirting, it means he likes you, so he’ll be a little more excited. If you notice a shift in his speech patterns or the cadence or tone in his voice, that’s a good sign.

He talks a lot.
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In addition to the sound of his voice, how much a guy talks will change when he’s flirting. Unless he thinks of himself as a lady’s man and has a lot of experience flirting, he’ll tend to ramble on a bit when he’s putting the moves on. He’ll get excited and start rambling, usually about the things he likes because that’s what he knows the most about. Hopefully, whatever he says is at least interesting to you!

He makes Eye contact.
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Naturally, eye contact is a huge part of flirting. You can tell a lot about a guy’s feelings for you (or lack thereof) by the way he looks at you. Of course, this doesn’t mean that men don’t make eye contact other times, but if he’s flirting, he’ll be more aware of the importance of catching your gaze and holding it. Either that, or he literally won’t be able to keep his eyes off of you. He may not even be doing it on purpose, he just can’t look away.

He tries to break the touch barrier.
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Okay, so not all guys will get touchy-feely when they’re flirting with you, but if he does seem to be finding any excuse to put his hands on you (in a respectful way, of course), that pretty much means he’s into you. It’s a physical way of showing interest – he hopes you’ll get the message.

He repeats what you say.
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No, he’s not a parrot. A guy who’s flirting will repeat what you say because he’s actually listening to you. He wants to prove to you that he has good listening skills and that he’s engaged with what you’re talking about.

he offers nothing but compliments.
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Offering compliments is a huge way that guys like to flirt. It’s one of our best tricks for getting into your good graces and making you feel good about yourself. That doesn’t mean you should be suspicious of every compliment you get. But if a guy is giving you one compliment after another, you should know that he’s trying to put the moves on you.

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Why Your Partner Annoys You And What To Do About It

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This might seem like a bad article, or like something that you wouldn’t read if you were really in love. However, I’m going to stop you right there. If you’re not having arguments with your partner, then you’re not in a relationship. That’s a monologue or a distracting dance break. A performance. Someone won’t be saying that they really mean and that’s the communication killer for relationships. That’s why it’s actually a good thing to be annoyed by your partner on occasion, or even regularly. You don’t have to be a saint to be a good girlfriend, and here’s why.

It just means you’re too similar.

Maybe you’ve just spent lockdown together. You’re probably getting annoyed with your partner because you’re seeing yourself in them. I know we all do it. We all see other people make mistakes that we either made previously or that we worry that we make. We lash out as a result. It’s not their fault necessarily, but it almost feels like an attack. A sneaky insight into an insecurity that you didn’t want to acknowledge. Maybe just take some space when you can and you’ll be refreshed in no time. Plus, most people merge into each other when they’ve been dating long enough anyway, just keep an eye on it.

You’re spending too much time together.
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Maybe you’re starting to stop hanging out with other friends. You’re exclusively in each other’s company. This means that, on the one hand, you’re not doing fun things with other friends, but you’re also running out of things to do with your partner – and yet you feel like you should want to spend time with them always. This isn’t true, though. It’s natural and common to spend time apart. That’s how you stay well-rounded and fun-loving and can actually return to your partner with things to talk about! Make sure you make room for other people in your life, and you’ll stop fixating on your partner’s idiosyncrasies.

You’re unenriched.
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Maybe they’re getting a little lazy and a little too content in the relationship. When was the last time you guys actually planned a fun date night or day out together? Are you getting bored in the apartment trying to find something new on Netflix? Why not take the initiative and go on a trip somewhere spontaneous? You don’t have to go far or break the bank. Just try a picnic or go to the theatre. Something low pressure where other people can bring the culture to you.

Annoyance is a new phase in a relationship.
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This is a bit like when your partner tells you there’s a booger on your face for the very first time. It’s not like this doesn’t happen to everyone, and it’s not like you didn’t want to be told, but you still feel embarrassed. It shows that you’re both familiar with each other in a new, intimate way. More than that, you might start to nag each other, or pester each other in new ways than before. Where it was all about sex, drugs, and rock and roll before, now it’s all about domestic bliss and making sure you maintain your shared spaces and living areas. Priorities change. If you feel yourself getting annoyed at your partner, it probably just signals this moment of change, adjustment, and transition.

Be kind to yourself.
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First of all, remember that it’s perfectly okay to be annoyed by your partner. It’s healthy. It means that you’re not in the first honeymoon stage of courting. You can actually see each other’s flaws and look them in the eye, and love them all the more for it. This also means that you can love your partner in waves. Life happens, things change, life moves on. Your emotions and feelings are allowed to change with that. Roll with the punches and know that you love them in spite of these silly spats. You might think that you’re getting bored and spoiling for a fight just to feel something different. Don’t mistake peace and happiness for numbness. Give yourself a minute to figure out the difference.

Communicate.
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Anything is a communication opportunity. If his dirty shoes are bugging you, tell him! He’ll fix it quickly and there’s no use suffering in silence for no reason. Part of the reason these small issues become major ones is that you don’t nip them in the bud when they’re fresh. Do both of you a favor and speak up.

Establish a new dialogue about needs.
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Check in again and figure out what these annoyances might be telling you. Do you see new boundaries emerging, or old ones dissolving? Discuss that.

Redefine relationship boundaries.
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This is always a great time for an honest conversation to air any grievances and stop them from festering. Better out than in.

Find ways of being calm, kind, and mindful when your partner bugs you. Communicate clearly and you can fix everything.

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11 Things Guys Say That Are Massive Red Flags — Run!

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Yeah, you want to give guys a chance, but don’t ignore the subtle red flags that can show up from very early on in the dating game. You might not even notice the subtly shady things he says because they’re such small annoyances that you don’t think they mean anything bad. However, they just might be a sign that he’s not the right guy for you and you can do better. Before you close your eyes and ears and jump into a hot new romance with him, make sure you pay attention to these things he says.

He tells you he’s “just so busy.”

Come on! You need to stop believing that the guy who tells you he’s super busy is still interested in you unless he shows you that he’s shoveling his schedule to make time to see you. Then he can be as busy as he wants. If he’s saying he’s busy as a reason for why he can’t make plans or stick to them, that’s a bad sign. He’s not as invested in this as you are.

He tells you that you’re being too sensitive/overreacting/need to get over it.
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Wait, what? One minute he was telling you that he wants to know everything about you and he acted like he’d be a supportive boyfriend. Meanwhile, he’s the guy who tells you to snap out of whatever mood you’re in, even when you’ve had a really crappy day and just need someone to LISTEN. Damn. Do you want to be stuck with a guy who never actually listens or seems to acknowledge your feelings? Run. This is one of the biggest red flags guys can wave.

He calls his exes crazy.
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There’s no way that all of his exes could be unhinged. What would be the odds? And okay, say that it did happen. Your next question would be, “What is it about this guy that attracts crazy/unhinged people to him?” See, it says a whole lot more about him than about his exes. He might also be trying to throw you off the scent of what he’s done in his past by putting all the blame on them.

He says he “never said that.”
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You were 99.9% sure that when he told you he hung out with the guys last weekend he told you that they didn’t go to a strip club. Now, he’s telling you something else and making it seem like you were the one who misunderstood him. Hmmm. A guy who doesn’t keep track of things he’s said/done and changes his tune is someone who can’t be trusted. He might also be gaslighting you by making you doubt yourself. Guys who try and manipulate you this way are full of red flags, not just this one.

He asks for your passwords.
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There is never a good reason why someone should ask you for your Facebook, Instagram, email, or phone password. EVER. He might say that he wants you to show him that you trust him or that he wants you to be transparent with him, but that’s BS. He just wants permission to snoop. He’s the one with trust issues.

He asks if you’re really wearing that.
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 If a guy makes “funny” or “helpful” comments about you, such as your appearance/beliefs/dreams, it’s really a way for him to bring you down. He’s insecure, but it’s not your problem that he feels he has to drag you into the dirt. Don’t let this guy get to you because he’s got issues he needs to sort out on a therapist’s couch, not yours. Next!

He says you’re perfect.
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A guy who can see your value is obviously a good catch, but if he’s putting you up on a pedestal and singing your praises every five seconds, it can start to feel like he’s trying a bit too hard.  He’s going over the top to try to impress you, and that’s a warning sign. He’s covering up all his toxic traits with truckloads of charm.

He asks if you’re still up.
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It’s cute when he texts you because he misses you, but if he’s ruining your precious sleep ’cause he only wants to chat at night, that’s a red flag. He might only want to chat late at night because something is dodgy like he’s already got a girlfriend or he’s trying to compartmentalize your relationship. He’s not giving you his entire self or time.

Everything sucks/is dumb/is a problem.
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If all he does is complain about everything on your dates, such as why his life is so bad, why the restaurant where you’re having dinner is terrible, and so on, that will bring you down and bust your mood. He should be trying to show you himself in the best light if you’re just getting to know each other, not carrying a rain cloud on his back.

He only talks about himself.
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Another of the biggest red flags guys can show is right here. If he only ever wants to talk about himself. While you encourage him to do so by asking him questions about himself, he never seems to return the favor. If you do try to talk about yourself, he’s quick to turn the spotlight back onto himself. He might talk over you or interrupt you. Yikes. This is only going to become worse with time. Good luck trying to get a word in edgewise with him in the future!

He’s not saying anything.
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While you might look for signs that he’s bad news in what he says, remember that when he doesn’t say anything that can also be a huge warning sign that you shouldn’t be around him. If you’re always getting in touch or trying to make plans and he ices you out by giving you the silent treatment, he’s not worth your energy or the calories you burn typing him long messages.

 

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