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Signs He’s Never Going To Be Your Boyfriend No Matter How Much You Like Him

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It hurts like hell to put yourself out there and get the feels for someone, only to suspect that they’re not interested in anything serious. But, better to know as soon as possible instead of wasting your time, right? However, don’t fall into the trap of acknowledging the red flags he’s giving you but holding onto hope that things will change or he’ll come around. He’s not coming around! Here are 14 signs that he’s never going to be your boyfriend and your love won’t change him.

He’s a private messager.

Although he messages you on social media, it’s always private messages. He never makes it known on his timelines who you are or that he’s dating you. If you write something on his timeline, he’ll reply via private message. It’s all hush-hush with this guy.

His front door leads to the bedroom.
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Whenever you go visit him at his home, he always takes you straight to the bedroom. You don’t even know what flooring or cabinets exist in the kitchen because he’s rushed you through his apartment like you were trying to escape a fire.

He pulls out the “it’s complicated” card.
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Whenever you want to talk about relationships in general to get a feel for where he’s at, ask him why he hasn’t deleted his Tinder profile, or ask him why you can never see him on Saturday nights, he’ll tell you “it’s complicated.” What, like that’s an actual excuse? Listen, any guy who isn’t clear with you about his feelings and can’t answer a few simple questions is not going to let you in.

He’s only flirtatious in private.
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When you’re alone together, he’s all charm and sexy eyes. When you’re in public, or his friends pitch up, he’ll act cold towards you. WTF? It’s clear that he doesn’t want to make people think you guys are together, which sucks. Do you want to be his secret on the side?

He mocks relationships.
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When you’re walking through the park and see a cute couple, he’ll make some judgmental comments about them. He even mocks his friends who’ve been coupled up or are heading to the aisle. This is quite telling. He could even be doing this to show you that there’s no hope for a long-term thing with him, so stop holding your breath.

He asks you out then rushes through the date.
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You thought he obviously liked you because he asked you out for coffee. Once there, he rushes through ordering and tells you that he’s had an emergency situation at work that he has to attend to, or his phone conveniently rings so he has to dash. Hmmm. If he doesn’t have time for you, what are you even doing with him?

His ex-files are bolted shut.
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A guy who likes you is going to want to open up to you about his past, so it’s a bit dodgy if he never has anything to say about his ex-girlfriends. What happened in those relationships that he doesn’t want to share? Is he scared that if you find out he cheated on all his exes or was a sh*tty boyfriend in some other way you’ll run in the other direction?

He doesn’t engage in meaningful chats.
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While you might laugh a lot when spending time with the guy, you don’t have really deep conversations. This is very telling because it shows that he’s not keen on getting to know you on a deeper emotional level. It’s all surface chats. He wants to have fun, period.

He waits for you to make moves.
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How regularly does this guy call or text you? If you’re usually the one who initiates conversation, that shows he’s not as invested or interested in the relationship as you are. Try backing off a bit to see what he does. Let him miss you! He’s never going to be your boyfriend if you’re doing all the work.

He’s become a different guy.
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Maybe he was super-chilled and charming when you met him but now he’s changed. He might be moody or wishy-washy, sending you mixed messages. It’s clear that he was putting on an act at the start of the relationship, but his mask is slipping. He’s not a reliable boyfriend and you shouldn’t put your hope in him becoming the guy he was when you first met him. That guy doesn’t exist.

He has to ask you to trust him.
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 You like him but you’re not sure if you can trust him. If he has to ask you to trust him, that’s a bad sign he’s not actually showing you he’s trustworthy. Show, don’t tell! If the feeling inside you that he’s not trustworthy doesn’t go away no matter what he does and how he tries to reassure you, you should listen to that inner voice.

He treats you like a friend.
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Sometimes he treats you like you’re his friend, not a potential girlfriend. He might call you “buddy,” slap your back, or confide in you about his latest dating adventures. Wait, what? You’ve been friend-zoned, even if he does invite you back to his place.

He doesn’t care about you outside of the relationship.
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 While he might be interested in you when you’re hanging out at the coffee shop or restaurant together, he doesn’t really show interest in your greater life, like what your passions are or what your friendships are like.

He’s a different person around his friends.
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If he seems to have so much more fun when his friends are around, instead of on one-on-one dates with you, that should tell you something. Perhaps he’s having fun for now but there’s no solid connection between you. Forget about having a real, long-term relationship with this guy. It ain’t going to happen. Sorry, he’s never going to be your boyfriend.

 

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How To Be Mysterious And Leave Him Wanting More

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When you first start dating a guy, you want to beguile them without coming on too strong. How do you do that? Is it really possible to balance creating plenty of intrigue without showing your cards too soon? It is, but it means being thoughtful about how you manage the situation and not letting the excitement of a possible new relationship overwhelm you. Here’s how to be mysterious in love, at least for a little while.

Leave some things to his imagination.

Getting flirty in person or via text can be a lot of fun and really build up the sexual tension, but you don’t have to go all the way and say every last thing that’s on your mind. In order to be mysterious, you should hint at what’s on your mind and what you’re thinking about without spelling it out word for word. Let him imagine what’s in your head and see how much excitement it leads to.

Don’t always be available when he reaches out.
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If he’s really into you, he’ll make it a priority to get in touch with you regularly. That’s sweet and bodes well for a future relationship, but it also doesn’t mean you have to be at his beck and call from the get-go. If you want to be (or at least seem) mysterious, don’t always jump the second he messages you or asks you to hang out. I’m not saying to play games and pretend you don’t want to see him when you do, just keep things nice and chill. After all, you have a busy, full life anyway, right? This shouldn’t be that hard.

Reveal yourself and your life to him layer by layer.
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When you really connect with a guy, the overwhelming urge to basically spill your guts and reveal your life story can be overwhelming. Resist the urge. Instead, let him get to know you and the things that make you who you are little by little. Make him work to uncover all the special things that have created the woman he wants to date.

Don’t settle into too much of a schedule.
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This is one of the easiest ways to be mysterious. Be spontaneous! If he thinks you always go to the gym on a Saturday or you eat at the same pizza place every Friday night, switch things up. Never become too routine, but instead keep things interesting by switching it up every now and then.

Listen more than you speak.
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At the end of the day, the best way to create a little mystery is to talk a bit less than you speak. You don’t always need to be talking and in fact, listening can help you get to know him even better.

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Healthy Boundaries To Set In Your Relationship And Never Cross

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You might want to be as close as possible with your partner, but that shouldn’t come at the expense of your own autonomy, dignity, and self-respect. No matter how solid your relationship appears to be, healthy boundaries are necessary to put in place and never let slide. If you’re unsure what this means or which boundaries are non-negotiable, here are a few to get you started. Feel free to add your own where appropriate!

Saying no sometimes

Just because you’re in a relationship with someone doesn’t mean you have to agree with them all the time or say yes to every request they make. You are allowed to say no. In fact, you’re even encouraged to sometimes — that’s what you call exercising one of your healthy relationship boundaries.

Taking time to yourself
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Alone time is always important regardless of your relationship status, but it’s even more important when you’re part of a couple. You and your partner aren’t a single unit. Yes, you’re a team, but you’re still your own person and you need time to unwind, decompress, and refill your proverbial cup. It doesn’t matter what you do with that time – it’s yours any you have every right to take it.

Demanding respect
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This is one of the most vital elements of any successful relationship. You cannot be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t respect you, and why would they want to be with you if they didn’t in the first place? Your partner needs to respect your thoughts, feelings, opinions, and desires even if they don’t match their own. That’s the very least they can offer you.

Nurturing your life outside of the relationship
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In addition to having plenty of alone time, another of those healthy relationship boundaries that are important to have in place is your commitment to your life outside of your relationship. That means continuing to pursue hobbies, to spend time with your family and friends, and simply to do your own thing. You don’t want to sacrifice the full life you had when you were single just because you happen to be in a relationship right now. If you do, what happens when it ends? You’ll be screwed.

Communicating your feelings, good or bad
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It can sometimes be tempting in relationships to avoid rocking the boat or hurting your partner’s feelings by clamming up and not saying what you really think or feel. This is toxic and will undoubtedly backfire in the end when you become so resentful/angry/hurt/etc. that you explode. Speak about your feelings honestly and openly and encourage your partner to do the same. Your relationship will be better for it.

The freedom to dictate sexual boundaries
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Again, you do not have to do anything you don’t want to do or are uncomfortable with for the sake of keeping your partner happy, shutting them up, or avoiding conflict. This is one of the most important on the long list of healthy relationship boundaries and should go without saying but it’s still worth mentioning here. Whether you don’t want to do a particular sex act or you simply don’t feel in the mood when your partner is horny, you have every right to say no.

Permission to change your mind
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Yes, you might have said you were okay with something last week but this time around, it doesn’t feel right. That’s your prerogative. You’re allowed to change your mind, even if it annoys or angers your partner. Don’t apologize for it or feel bad.

Having your needs met
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You have the right to demand that your needs are met in a relationship. While you can’t expect your partner to meet every need you have in life, there are certain things partners should be happy or willing to do to ensure you feel loved, appreciated, and cared for. If that’s not happening, you owe it to yourself to get out as soon as possible.

Asserting a right to privacy
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Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you give up your right to privacy. You are allowed to have conversations with friends and family members that your partner isn’t privvy to. You’re allowed to talk to other people, go other places, and live your life without reporting every last minute of your day to your partner. If they don’t like it, they’re too controlling and it’s never going to work.

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How To Stop Being Jealous In Your Relationship — 12 Strategies To Try Right Now

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They say jealousy makes you nasty, but you know what else it makes you? Unhappy, anxious, and miserable. It can also sink your relationship before you can say, “I have some serious trust issues.” If you find that you’re a jealous person (or people have told you so), how deeply does that jealousy really go? Is it affecting your life and your relationship satisfaction? Here’s how to deal with it so that you can get better control over the green-eyed monster and stop being jealous all the time.

Ask yourself where jealousy is coming from. 

You can’t control your jealousy if you don’t know its source. You have to think about what this jealousy is about. Are you jealous because you’ve been hurt by exes and you’re worried your current partner is going to hurt you? Are you jealous because you’re insecure about your relationship?

Make a list of your insecurities.
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Jealousy is always tied to insecurity. For example, maybe you’re jealous about your partner’s friendship with his female co-worker and that makes you feel insecure about the relationship. When dealing with your jealousy, it’s useful to make a list of all your relationship insecurities as this will better help you get to the source of your jealousy and understand its triggers.

Get real with your partner. 
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Another important thing to do when you’re dealing with jealousy is to be open about your feelings with your partner. If you keep your jealousy inside, it can feel more overwhelming and spiral out of control. When you tell your partner about your trust issues, this can help them to understand it and also make sure they don’t do anything to make you feel unnecessarily jealous that it messes with your head. You should also speak to your partner if they’re doing anything to trigger your jealousy, as this will also help you heal from it.

Figure out if your jealousy is warranted.
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Now that you know what causes and triggers your jealousy, you need to figure out if your jealousy is warranted. Thinking your boyfriend is cheating on you because he’s running 10 minutes late from work is unwarranted. On the other hand, thinking your boyfriend is cheating on you because of various reasons that keep presenting themselves, that’s probably warranted jealousy. If you feel like your jealousy doesn’t make you think clearly and logically, it can help to ask some friends for their advice on it.

Focus on realistic relationship expectations.
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Another interesting thing about jealousy is that it can cloud your relationship expectations. If your expectations are very high and your partner doesn’t meet them, this could be misinterpreted as them being shifty or not making enough of an effort or having someone else on the side. So, have realistic expectations about what you want and what your partner can offer you as this will prevent jealousy from appearing.

Think about what you want.
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Sometimes, jealousy can be trying to tell you what you want and what you don’t have right now. Therefore, it’s a good idea to listen to it and see what it’s trying to tell you. For example, if you feel jealous about your partner having a vibrant social life, this could motivate you to think about what you want from your own friendships.

Write down what you feel.
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It can really help you to jot down what you’re feeling jealous about, even on a scrap piece of paper. This will help you to make sense of your thoughts and you’ll be able to spot irrational thinking that you’ll find easier to eliminate from your mind.

Breathe before you push buttons.
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If you feel yourself becoming overwhelmed with jealousy and you want to confront your partner about it, it’s useful to take a few breaths. Go for a 10-minute walk and distract yourself. Or, try to see the bigger picture. Will this jealousy be a big issue next week, or in a month? It might be something silly, or it might be a symptom of a larger problem that you do need to talk to your partner about.

Avoid lashing out at your partner.
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If you’re feeling jealous, it can be easy to use this to attack your partner. You might shut down and isolate yourself from them, or get into a fight. This only leads to drama and might make you feel like you’re nuts. The best thing to do is take time for yourself to calmly and rationally explore the jealousy before you confront your partner. When you decide to communicate it to your partner, make sure you do so when you’re both calm and have time for a chat. Focus on your feelings so that you don’t come across as interrogating them.

Work on your confidence.
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Boost your confidence so that you don’t let your insecurities flow out of control and lead to unnecessary jealousy. Instead of thinking your partner is going to cheat on/hurt you, think about why you will be fine even if they do. It’s hard to trust other people, but you should be trusting yourself and knowing that you can deal with whatever life throws at you.

Think about the good stuff.
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If your jealousy is warranted, then you shouldn’t force yourself to see the good things about your relationship, otherwise, you’ll be denying how you feel and how you’re not happy. However, if you know that your jealousy is rooted in deep insecurities that you have to deal with, it’s good to remind yourself of what’s great about your relationship. This will help you to keep your jealousy in perspective and focus on reality.

See a therapist.
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If you can’t seem to control your jealousy and it’s making you miserable, it’s a good idea to chat to a psychologist about it. He or she will be able to give you healthy coping techniques and show you how to better manage your jealousy so it can’t take over your relationship and your life.

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