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Drunk Teacher Who Greeted Colleague By Shouting ‘Yo, Biatch!’ Banned From Classroom Forever

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An elementary school teacher in Bradford in the UK has been banned from the profession after he showed up to work drunk and greeted a colleague by shouting, “Yo, biatch.” James Langley, 48, was employed at St. Oswald’s CofE Primary Academy at the time of the incident in November 2019 and admitted to drinking a “significant amount” of alcohol before heading to the classroom. While he’d been in the profession for more than 20 years, he was only at the school for about a month before he was forced to resign on December 2, 2019.

This wasn’t the first time Langley had shown up drunk. He was accused of being under the influence of alcohol on “one or more occasions” between November 4 and December 2. However, it was the final incident on November 25 that prompted action from the Teaching Regulation Agency.

Langley appeared “out of it” when he showed up that day. He was so inebriated that staff at the school really didn’t feel comfortable with his presence there and refused to leave him alone with students, a report revealed. An investigatory panel determined that his actions were “wholly inappropriate and a significant breach of the Teachers Standards.”

He’ll never be allowed to teach again. The panel went on to say that Langley’s behavior “may bring the profession into disrepute” and therefore they had no choice but to ban him from teaching indefinitely. “The panel considered that it was wholly inappropriate and a significant breach of the Teachers Standards for Mr. Langley to be under the influence of alcohol whilst on school premises and carrying out his teaching duties,” the report read. “As a result, the panel concluded that public confidence in the profession would be weakened. Accordingly, the panel was satisfied that Mr. Langley was guilty of unacceptable professional conduct. The panel therefore found that Mr. Langley’s actions constituted conduct that may bring the profession into disrepute. The panel was of the view that prohibition was both proportionate and appropriate.”

Here’s hoping he gets the help he clearly needs ASAP.

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2 Las Vegas Women Stored Stolen Cash And Rolexes In Their Vaginas To Avoid Police

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Two Las Vegas women have been charged with theft after they allegedly stole cash and watches and stored them inside their genitals. Nikki Grandel and Staycee Johnson are said to have met a man on the floor of the Caesars Palace casino and decided to go with him up to the victim’s hotel room, KVVU-TV reports. That’s when they attempted to clear him out.

They thought they were being slick. According to Las Vegas Metropolitan Police, Grandel and Johnson went up to the hotel room with the man, who decided to take a bath. While he was in the bathroom, the women stole $6,500 in rolled-up cash from his duffel bag as well as a Rolex watch. The victim realized when he couldn’t find the items a little while later.

Police intercepted the women in the hotel lobby. Officers were waiting for them there, but not because the victim called police. It was actually Grandel herself who phoned them as the man initially didn’t want them to leave the room since he believed they stole his stuff.

Unfortunately, their hiding places weren’t very well thought-out. Officers noted that the roll of $6,500 “was found bulging out of Johnson’s pants” after it fell out of her vagina. Meanwhile, the Rolex watch was later discovered inside Grandel’s vagina via an X-ray. Both women denied theft.

Both women were charged with grand larceny. They were later released on bail pending an upcoming court appearance on February 1.

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Man Claims COVID-19 Infection Made His Penis Shrink 1.5 Inches

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A man in his thirties has claimed that contracting COVID-19 made him lose 1.5 inches off the length of his penis. The anonymous sufferer wrote into the How To Do It podcast this week to share his woes, saying that battling the illness left him with some unexpected and seriously undesirable side effects.

The man was pretty ill with the virus. Referring to himself only as “coming up short,” the man shared that he’s a “heterosexual male in [his] thirties” who got very sick with COVID-19 and was even hospitalized for the condition. “In July of last year, I contracted COVID and was very sick. When I got out of the hospital, I had some erectile dysfunction issues,” he revealed.

His erectile dysfunction was eventually solved, but that wasn’t the last of his problems. The man, who previously claimed that he was “above average” when it came to the size of his package, solved the ED issues but size is now a problem. “[The erectile dysfunction] gradually got better with some medical attention, but I seemed to be left with a lasting problem,” he shared. “Before I got sick [my penis] was above average. Not huge, but definitely bigger than normal. Now I’ve lost about an inch and a half and become decidedly less than average.”

Why would something like this happen? The man went on to say that a medical professional claimed his shrinking genitals came down to vascular damage from the virus. Worse yet, it’s not something that will likely ever repair itself and he’ll be stuck with his new size forever.

He knows it shouldn’t matter but it does. “It shouldn’t really matter,” he wrote. “But it has had a profound impact on my self-confidence and my abilities in bed. I know you can’t give me back my missing length and girth, but I was wondering if you could give me any advice on what to do now.” That sucks!

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Man Accidentally Gets Senior Citizens High After Supplying Pot Brownies To Community Center

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A man accidentally got a group of senior citizens high after he brought a batch of pot brownies to a community center card game where his mother was playing. A probable cause affidavit revealed that several calls were received regarding a “possible poisoning” of several people “at the Tabor Community Center earlier for a card game” in Tabor, South Dakota. As it turns out, they weren’t poisoned at all – just high.

Michael Koranda was the man responsible. He didn’t actually bring the brownies, his mother Irene Koranda did upon his offering. Turns out, she didn’t realize that they had THC in them. Michale had recently been to Colorado and brought back a bunch of “products with marijuana” and must have been inspired to get in the kitchen.

The investigation was pretty swift. “An investigation into the incident lead me to believe that the patients were all under the influence of THC from a batch of brownies that were brought to the Community Center by Irene Koranda,” Deputy Sheriff Joel Neuman reported. Irene told officers that Michael had “baked a pan of brownies and she took them to the Community Center card game” and she “willingly gave [the sheriff] the remainder of the brownies in a plastic container.”

Michael was very forthcoming about the mixup. Michael, an elementary school music teacher, told police that he’d used THC butter in the brownies that he’d brought back from Colorado. After baking them, he “went to bed and his mother unknowingly took the brownies to the card game.” An honest mistake!

Koranda was arrested and charged. He faces charges of possession of a controlled drug or substance, a felony that could carry up to five years in prison and a $10,000 fine. He’s currently free on $3,000 bond but is due back in court on January 25.

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