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Preacher Claims Alien Reptile Disguised Itself As Her Husband To Have Sex With Her

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I’ve seen a lot of crazy things online over the years, but something that happened on a recent episode of The Jim Bakker Show really blew my mind and left me speechless. That’s because a preacher, talk show host, and author named Sharon Gilbert appeared on the religious program and made some pretty outrageous claims that truly beggar belief (though they do make for an entertaining watch).

An alien disguised itself as her husband and tried to have sex with her. That’s at the crux of Gilbert’s claims, which seem to have come out of nowhere. While talking to controversial host Jim Bakker, Gilbert revealed that as soon as she married her husband Derek, aliens took that as a green light to try and get into bed with her.

She watched the alien change its identity before trying to get it on. Speaking completely seriously and without a hint of humor, Gilbert recalled: “After Derek and I got married…one night, this other Derek appears in our bed. The real Derek is lying down next to me. The other Derek sits right up out of it. It startled me. I knew that was not Derek. So I asked this critter: ‘Who are you?’ because he clearly wanted to have sexual relations.”

So wait, if that wasn’t Derek, who was it?! I was seriously on tenterhooks wondering who on earth this being could possibly be. Thankfully, Gilbert managed to ID the creature. “He said 2come on, I’m your husband.’ I said ‘who are you?’ and he had the nerve to claim to be Ahasuerus – Xerxes [the fourth King of Kings of the Achaemenid Empire who ruled from 486 to 465 BC].” Um… huh?

This alien didn’t take no for an answer and came back several times. After Gilbert rebuked the alien once, you’d think it would have taken a hint, but not so. She said it kept coming back and only went away when she was able to “verbalize the name of Jesus.” What was the alien’s aim, you ask? Other than getting its rocks off, Gilbert says it was going to “use my free will to do something that was going to pull me away from God.”

She managed to get rid of the creature in the end, thanks to Jesus. At one point, Gilbert thought to herself, “I’ve had enough!” and decided to banish the creature for good. “I reached up, I grabbed his face and I said, ‘You are a liar. And Jesus is real.’ And I pulled that face-off. And beneath it was a reptile.” Oh man, really? Yes, really. Not only that, but it had “little creatures with him this time, these little halfling creatures and they looked like gargoyles, they were reptilian as well. So beneath that face of Derek was a reptilian serpentine creature, probably similar to what visited the Anasazi…”

This is some pretty solid promotion. If Gilbert’s serious, truly, bless her. However, it should be mentioned that the episode she appeared on was promoting a DVD called The Great Delusion which is apparently all about conspiracy theories around aliens, UFOs, and other supernatural creatures. Take from that what you will.

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2 Las Vegas Women Stored Stolen Cash And Rolexes In Their Vaginas To Avoid Police

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Two Las Vegas women have been charged with theft after they allegedly stole cash and watches and stored them inside their genitals. Nikki Grandel and Staycee Johnson are said to have met a man on the floor of the Caesars Palace casino and decided to go with him up to the victim’s hotel room, KVVU-TV reports. That’s when they attempted to clear him out.

They thought they were being slick. According to Las Vegas Metropolitan Police, Grandel and Johnson went up to the hotel room with the man, who decided to take a bath. While he was in the bathroom, the women stole $6,500 in rolled-up cash from his duffel bag as well as a Rolex watch. The victim realized when he couldn’t find the items a little while later.

Police intercepted the women in the hotel lobby. Officers were waiting for them there, but not because the victim called police. It was actually Grandel herself who phoned them as the man initially didn’t want them to leave the room since he believed they stole his stuff.

Unfortunately, their hiding places weren’t very well thought-out. Officers noted that the roll of $6,500 “was found bulging out of Johnson’s pants” after it fell out of her vagina. Meanwhile, the Rolex watch was later discovered inside Grandel’s vagina via an X-ray. Both women denied theft.

Both women were charged with grand larceny. They were later released on bail pending an upcoming court appearance on February 1.

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Man Claims COVID-19 Infection Made His Penis Shrink 1.5 Inches

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A man in his thirties has claimed that contracting COVID-19 made him lose 1.5 inches off the length of his penis. The anonymous sufferer wrote into the How To Do It podcast this week to share his woes, saying that battling the illness left him with some unexpected and seriously undesirable side effects.

The man was pretty ill with the virus. Referring to himself only as “coming up short,” the man shared that he’s a “heterosexual male in [his] thirties” who got very sick with COVID-19 and was even hospitalized for the condition. “In July of last year, I contracted COVID and was very sick. When I got out of the hospital, I had some erectile dysfunction issues,” he revealed.

His erectile dysfunction was eventually solved, but that wasn’t the last of his problems. The man, who previously claimed that he was “above average” when it came to the size of his package, solved the ED issues but size is now a problem. “[The erectile dysfunction] gradually got better with some medical attention, but I seemed to be left with a lasting problem,” he shared. “Before I got sick [my penis] was above average. Not huge, but definitely bigger than normal. Now I’ve lost about an inch and a half and become decidedly less than average.”

Why would something like this happen? The man went on to say that a medical professional claimed his shrinking genitals came down to vascular damage from the virus. Worse yet, it’s not something that will likely ever repair itself and he’ll be stuck with his new size forever.

He knows it shouldn’t matter but it does. “It shouldn’t really matter,” he wrote. “But it has had a profound impact on my self-confidence and my abilities in bed. I know you can’t give me back my missing length and girth, but I was wondering if you could give me any advice on what to do now.” That sucks!

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Man Accidentally Gets Senior Citizens High After Supplying Pot Brownies To Community Center

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A man accidentally got a group of senior citizens high after he brought a batch of pot brownies to a community center card game where his mother was playing. A probable cause affidavit revealed that several calls were received regarding a “possible poisoning” of several people “at the Tabor Community Center earlier for a card game” in Tabor, South Dakota. As it turns out, they weren’t poisoned at all – just high.

Michael Koranda was the man responsible. He didn’t actually bring the brownies, his mother Irene Koranda did upon his offering. Turns out, she didn’t realize that they had THC in them. Michale had recently been to Colorado and brought back a bunch of “products with marijuana” and must have been inspired to get in the kitchen.

The investigation was pretty swift. “An investigation into the incident lead me to believe that the patients were all under the influence of THC from a batch of brownies that were brought to the Community Center by Irene Koranda,” Deputy Sheriff Joel Neuman reported. Irene told officers that Michael had “baked a pan of brownies and she took them to the Community Center card game” and she “willingly gave [the sheriff] the remainder of the brownies in a plastic container.”

Michael was very forthcoming about the mixup. Michael, an elementary school music teacher, told police that he’d used THC butter in the brownies that he’d brought back from Colorado. After baking them, he “went to bed and his mother unknowingly took the brownies to the card game.” An honest mistake!

Koranda was arrested and charged. He faces charges of possession of a controlled drug or substance, a felony that could carry up to five years in prison and a $10,000 fine. He’s currently free on $3,000 bond but is due back in court on January 25.

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