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Why Is The Second Date So Important?

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Everyone stresses the importance of the first date. It’s understandable since that’s where you make and get your first impressions and figure out if there’s any chemistry between you. However, the second date is even more important than the first. Here’s why the follow-up says much more about your potential relationship.

You’re not strangers now.

While the awkwardness of the first date can be attributed to nervous jitters, now is your chance to really take stock of the person in front of you. Maybe in a different outfit or with their hair styled differently, you can reassess them in the warm light of a restaurant candle. However, the opposite is also true. Maybe they were charmingly buzzed last week but this week they look uninspiring and the magic is gone. Either way, the second date makes the average of the two and you have to survive that.

You can correct things.
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We all say that we welcome constructive feedback on our resumes, but when it comes down to the nitty-gritty of the dating world, you have to be adaptable. Maybe a sexist joke you told last week didn’t go down well at all. Well, this is the time to apologize. Or, maybe your long rant about the value of TikTok doesn’t need to see the light of day again, but at least you know now. You can tailor your personality in these initial stages while bringing out your true passions and quirks.

You see each other’s personalities.
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Now that there’s a little more depth to your relationship, you can stop filtering parts of yourself. You can bring up your hobbies and how your week was, or ask a follow-up question to something you brought up the last time you spoke. This shows that you were listening and makes the other person feel valued. This level of intimacy breaks through the shallow waters of the second date. Check no one is playing you for a fool pretending they’re James Bond – you can’t sustain that for long.

You can laugh properly.
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Maybe on a nervous first date, you’re a little too loosened by the drink, or a little too rigid to laugh properly. Now that you know what your partner is like, you can unwind a little. Throw your head back and maybe even bring out your ugly laugh – if he’s lucky.

Small talk can stay in the first date.
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You can only ask a person how many siblings they have and what their major was so many times. It’s a necessary but painful stage of any relationship, but once you’ve powered through it’s much more relaxed. It has been confirmed that no one is a mass murderer, or has 10 siblings that actually merits a discussion, so the topic of conversation can flow much more smoothly.

You can experiment more.
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No one should be taking huge risks on a first date, if we’re honest. They don’t really mean much, you just need to not screw it up. However, by the second date, you need to start impressing your partner. Dress up, do your hair – bring an accessory that can be part of a topic of conversation, and have fun with it. If you are reading the room well, maybe go in for a handhold or a gentlemanly gesture like holding the door or a chair. This way it won’t come across as presumptuous or old-fashioned as it might have on a first date.

You’re more comfortable.
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This means that you’re more like yourself. The second date means that you have to pass each other’s internal tests. No matter how we all like to think we don’t have a type, the truth is that we do. You will slow down and see that he has only got eyes for you once you stop the first date stress.

Step outside the friend zone.
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Now, while I roll my eyes at most articles written by men discussing the feared ‘friend zone’, we must first remind everyone present that there’s nothing wrong with being friends with really cool people. That said, if you feel a real connection with this person, then it’s reasonable to want to take things further. On the second date, establish whether you feel attraction. Sometimes the idea of someone is enough to get a second date. That illusion is soon dispelled if it’s not really there.

You have confirmed interest.
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By definition, having a second date is evidence of at least a surface level, basic level of interest. It might not set the world alight, but you have confirmation. It means you can relax and focus on building a relationship with this person, rather than worrying.

The second date is the reckoning because anyone can have a second date without much commitment. It’s the third date that means business and this is the dress rehearsal for that. But that’s another article altogether…

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Relationship Milestones All Long-Term Couples Should Eventually Hit

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I know that intimacy is a big word, but people are totally wrong when they think that sex is the be-all and end-all of relationships. They’re all about physical attraction, and so rarely about intimacy in the beginning. If you want to really hit the big relationship milestones, you’ll find them in the realm of fart-giggles and lying on the sofa comparing food babies after a big meal. See what I mean? This type of relationship ensures that you aren’t judging intimacy in terms of what you let each other see in the dim lights of a bedroom. It’s in daylight and it’s intentional. Here are some of the other important ones.

The first fart

Of all the relationship milestones, this is one of the most important. There are many ways this can play out. Believe me. Some are worse than others but don’t worry when the first comes — many many more will follow. It’s like London busses. You wait all that time for one and then three come at once. More than that, the dam has broken in the relationship in terms of being worried about performing romantic gestures all the time. You realize you don’t have to perform anything or hold anything back. You can be yourself and relax. Really relax, if you get me. Lol. Anyway, you can still have the big romantic gestures, but you can also have a meaningful time at home in the flat. You’re not stressed that you need to fart or use the toilet in his space or whatever. It shows that you’re both comfortable and you won’t let your insecurities interrupt your time together. It helps you to love yourself too. You won’t feel gross or smelly or sweaty when you embrace it and have fun.

Sweaty hand-holding
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 This is the stage in which you realize you can be sweaty and it not be an issue. You aren’t less loveable, and trust me when I say your partner would rather hold your sweaty hand than not at all. They probably didn’t even notice, frankly. We’re all a little sweaty, you shouldn’t internalize the idea that you’re the exception to what everyone else is happy to overlook. Getting comfortable here will make actual romantic time way more intimate and meaningful.

Burps
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You get to the stage pretty early on of having burping competitions. Or, at the very least, rating them as they come along. It’s so much fun and you can just let everything out. Why give yourself stomach problems by crossing your legs? Your partner loves all of your IBS-laden self. Never forget that.

Dodgy dance moves
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 I’m not talking about grinding on each other in the club when you’ve both had too much to drink and nothing matters. No. I’m talking about getting wine drunk at an ABBA tribute concert on a Tuesday afternoon and starting a conga line with the old women around you on the floor. You can survive that, you can survive anything. And hey, no one is killing my ABBA buzz. No one.

Meeting friends with stories about your cringy youth
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Cringing about your past is a natural part of growing up. It shows growth and maturity. However, you should never think that you have to regret things in your past just because you’re different now. You enjoyed yourself at the time. It never occurred to you to wear anything other than neon pink and bangles. We were all the same and your partner will find these stories hilarious from your friends. It’ll provide enough entertainment for hours and you will also get to think back to that young girl and think how proud she’d be of what you became. This is one of the biggest relationship milestones to look forward to.

Old pictures
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I’m not talking baby pictures here. Those are safe game — people whip those out when he’s only just started hitting on you. No. I’m talking about pictures from when you were fifteen. Not just the rogue outfits that your mum picked out, this is the age when you should have known better. Not that any of us did. But if they can bear witness to the braces, glasses, and Rubix cube obsession and stick around, then they’re there for life. That’s a huge milestone.

Meeting grandparents
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Now, I don’t know about you, but I feel that at any moment my grandparents could say anything. Like, truly anything. I can’t predict that and I can’t prep them for the arrival of my partner. I’m just trusting the process and trying to find my safe space. If I introduce my partner to my grandparents that’s a whole different ball game than parents, because grandparents will not even pretend if they don’t vibe with someone.

The first argument when you’re lost on a road trip
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 Were you driving too fast? Yes. Were they meant to be directing you? Yes. Did you miss the exit three times as a result? Yes. Did you laugh about it in an hour? Also yes.

So there you have it, a few unromantic relationship milestones that every long-term couple has to go through. Remember that you don’t come out the other side unscathed!

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Powerful Love Affirmations That Will Draw Your Soulmate To You

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An affirmation is a statement or mantra that you say to yourself on a regular basis to help manifest positive outcomes. Research has shown that maintaining a daily practice can train your brain to recognize these mantras as actionable facts. If you’re single and wishing to meet the perfect partner, trying these love affirmations may be a surprisingly effective tool for success. Here are a few suggestions:

“I am ready to meet the person of my dreams.”

Perhaps the most important mindset to attain in your pursuit of love is openness. You may want to meet the love of your life, but if you’re subconsciously telling yourself that you’re not quite prepared for it, you won’t be in the right frame of mind to receive an opportunity when it arises. Anticipate success, and you will be ready when it taps you on the shoulder. This is one of the most important and life-changing love affirmations out there.

“My partner will accept me as I am.”
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No one is perfect. You won’t find the right partner if you constantly feel inadequate. You will gravitate towards people who confirm your self-criticism by pointing out your flaws and reminding you that you have room to improve. Focus on accepting yourself, and you will find someone who accepts you too.

“I am worthy of the love I have to give.”
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Set the bar high. You know the love you are capable of giving, so you set the requirement that your partner meets that threshold too. By affirming your worth and acknowledging the depth of your love, you will draw someone to you who is capable of loving as fully as you, and who knows you are worthy of receiving it.

“I will meet the love of my life.”
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It is normal to feel fatigued by a string of unsuccessful relationships, but make sure to stay positive about your prospects. Becoming discouraged about your love life will only reinforce your bad luck. Tell yourself that you will meet your soulmate, and you can break the cycle of self-defeat. Of all the love affirmations you must believe with your whole heart, this should be at the top of the list.

“My relationship will be built on mutual respect and trust.”
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We’ve all been complicit in fostering unhealthy relationships. Sometimes it can feel inevitable, as if the only people you could possibly be attracted to also happen to be unworthy partners. But you can choose the qualities you want in a partner. Set the intention of falling in love with someone with whom you can have an emotionally healthy relationship, and you will start to see people you’ve been overlooking.

“I do not need to change in order to be loved for who I am.”
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Everyone is a work in progress, but no one will ever attain perfection. Sometimes we set our expectations for ourselves too high by believing that no one could ever love us unless we are the best version of ourselves. But you can and will live your entire life without ever reaching this point. We are all in the same boat. You would never expect your partner to be perfect. Why should you expect anything different from yourself? Tell yourself that you are enough as you are, right in this moment. You are worthy of love. Say it and repeat.

“I am not afraid to be vulnerable.”
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One of the most effective ways to sabotage your ability to find love is by overprotecting yourself. You have to be vulnerable for a relationship to deepen. If you are waiting for the other person to open up first, you may never get the chance to see whether or not they could be your soulmate. Accept that the path to lasting love has painful detours and you will need to be brave and resilient. You will get there in the end if you keep marching forward.

“My past is not my future.”
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It’s easy to become the victim of your dating history by labeling yourself as “unlucky” or “bad at choosing partners.” While these things may be true, they are not permanent states of being. Just because you made a few mistakes in previous relationships or have a track record of dating the wrong people doesn’t mean you can’t change now. Your future is yours to create.

I will not settle for less than I deserve.
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Repeated disappointments can lead to compromise. But if you settle for someone who is not deserving of you just because you’ve been unsuccessful at finding your soulmate so far, you’re making it a lot harder for the love of your life to find you. Be patient and focus on the end goal. Now is not the time to compromise.

“My soulmate is searching for me just as I am searching for them.”
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Finding love is an active process. You don’t wait for it to strike you out of nowhere. It is also collaborative. Your partner is out there looking for you right now. Imagining this will make you feel less alone, and give you the extra motivation to stay focused on your goal.

These love affirmations may be hard to internalize at first, but the more you say them, the more you will begin to believe them and the closer they’ll be to becoming reality.

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10 Things Men Only Do When They’re Flirting With You, According To A Guy

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It’s in the nature of flirting to be a little mysterious and not just lay your cards down on the table. Of course, that can also make it more difficult to be sure that someone is trying to be romantic. Fortunately, most men aren’t that great at hiding their flirting; most of us have a tell. If he’s doing any of these things, chances are he’s interested in you as more than a friend.

He uses innuendo.

There’s no reason to make suggestive jokes if you’re not into the person you’re making them to. Perhaps you’re in a group of people and somebody is making a joke, but if you’re one-on-one with a guy and he goes out of his way to use innuendo in some way, safely assume that he’s flirting with you.

He tries to make jokes.
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Okay, so some people are naturally funny and always find a clever way to make jokes. However, men who go out of their way to seem hilarious are flirting. Guys love being able to make a woman laugh, which is why we try to do so when we like you. Part of us thinks it’s an easy way to get you to like us back. Unless you sense that a guy is just effortlessly funny, if he’s trying to make you laugh, he’s flirting.

He tries to figure out your relationship status.
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Can you imagine a guy trying to find out if you’re single without having an agenda? This isn’t the kind of topic guys are going to bring up unless they’re digging for information. Granted, guys aren’t always smart and smooth about bringing up this topic. If he makes an effort to find out your relationship status, just assume that everything before that and everything that follows is flirting.

He tries to impress you.
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Sure, a lot of guys are egomaniacs who are always trying to pump themselves up and let people know their best qualities. But a guy who’s flirting will always try a little harder to brag about himself in subtle and not-so-subtle ways. He’ll make an obvious effort to bring up things that he thinks you will like and be impressed by.

His voice changes.
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It’s tough to describe how a guy’s voice changes when he’s flirting because everyone is a little different. But he’ll tend to sound more excitable as if he’s trying to be positive and upbeat. After all, if he’s flirting, it means he likes you, so he’ll be a little more excited. If you notice a shift in his speech patterns or the cadence or tone in his voice, that’s a good sign.

He talks a lot.
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In addition to the sound of his voice, how much a guy talks will change when he’s flirting. Unless he thinks of himself as a lady’s man and has a lot of experience flirting, he’ll tend to ramble on a bit when he’s putting the moves on. He’ll get excited and start rambling, usually about the things he likes because that’s what he knows the most about. Hopefully, whatever he says is at least interesting to you!

He makes Eye contact.
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Naturally, eye contact is a huge part of flirting. You can tell a lot about a guy’s feelings for you (or lack thereof) by the way he looks at you. Of course, this doesn’t mean that men don’t make eye contact other times, but if he’s flirting, he’ll be more aware of the importance of catching your gaze and holding it. Either that, or he literally won’t be able to keep his eyes off of you. He may not even be doing it on purpose, he just can’t look away.

He tries to break the touch barrier.
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Okay, so not all guys will get touchy-feely when they’re flirting with you, but if he does seem to be finding any excuse to put his hands on you (in a respectful way, of course), that pretty much means he’s into you. It’s a physical way of showing interest – he hopes you’ll get the message.

He repeats what you say.
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No, he’s not a parrot. A guy who’s flirting will repeat what you say because he’s actually listening to you. He wants to prove to you that he has good listening skills and that he’s engaged with what you’re talking about.

he offers nothing but compliments.
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Offering compliments is a huge way that guys like to flirt. It’s one of our best tricks for getting into your good graces and making you feel good about yourself. That doesn’t mean you should be suspicious of every compliment you get. But if a guy is giving you one compliment after another, you should know that he’s trying to put the moves on you.

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