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How To Stop Putting Your Partner’s Needs Above Your Own

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In my experience, we all get better at being in relationships over time. It’s a learned skill. We aren’t all born with the perfect ability to balance and maintain a healthy relationship. Hindsight is 20/20, though. As soon as you’re out of the relationship, you’ll suddenly see all the issues you had, and for lots of people in first-time relationships, putting your partner’s needs above your own is a big issue. Here’s how to avoid doing that in the future.

Being a people-pleaser isn’t helpful.

Most people need a person in their life that they can be honest and share their soul with. However, you don’t want a yes-man in a relationship. The honesty you want from a partner is what you should give in return. They need someone to tell them when they have spinach in their teeth, that their shirt is on backward, or that their hat is ugly. People think that the only way to meet your partner’s needs is to be a people-pleaser, but that isn’t the same thing. In order to have a fulfilling relationship, you need to both make mistakes and grow together. If one of you is always protecting the other and defending them from change or influencing their behaviors, then they will stay the same. It’s well-meaning, but it isn’t helpful.

You’ll wear yourself down.
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Trying to anticipate and meet a person’s every need is hard enough as it is. However, when you combine that with an inability to meet your own needs because you’ve elevated those of another person above yours, that’s tough. You can’t sustain that. It’s isn’t a relationship – it starts to become a chore.

You start to resent them.
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It’s not their fault either. They didn’t ask for you to put their needs above their own. Well, if they did, they’re trash, but that’s a different matter altogether. Your body soon begins to realize that the reason it’s tired all the time is your partner. However, your partner should be a source of joy, not tedium. You should want to help and support them, but if you become their servant, then it’s no longer an act of love and a pleasant surprise when you look after them. Small gestures are expected, but servitude changes the dynamic, and then your partner comes to expect that level of support, and neither of you is independent anymore.

You forget what your version of self-care is.
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Sometimes you spend so long with a person that you become like them. We all have a bit of chameleon in us. That’s why we like our partners, after all – we think they’re cool. However, when you adopt all their habits and opinions, you might risk forgetting what you enjoy. The ways that you pass time. Don’t tend to their feelings so much that you neglect your own.

You become them.
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No. I know that we’re all a collage of the people we’ve met – but that’s more subtle. It’s a compliment, and it’s natural. However, when you start dressing the same, cutting your hair together, and aligning your lives so intimately, even though your needs aren’t being met, it’s a gesture of intimacy that doesn’t ring quite true. Part of being in a relationship is valuing your differences and appreciating each other, not just keeping your personality under lock and key because you’re secretly afraid it might not be good enough.

Reclaim your life.
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As a solution, try to reclaim what is yours – you will find that your partner is only too eager to get to know you. It introduces a little spark to the relationship. You won’t find love by obsessing over a person and failing to give them anything to love.

Value your own time.
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Don’t drop everything you’re doing just because your partner has a small issue. Know when action is required and when they’re just venting. A lot of the time we just want to complain without being held accountable. Don’t be that person that always wants to fix everything and stops making people feel like they can just meaninglessly vent to you without getting the pitchforks out.

Find a new hobby.
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Rediscover your old ones. Take up a new course – drag a friend to it, or your partner. They will love seeing this new and old side of you emerge.

Putting people’s needs above your own isn’t inherently a bad trait. I know it sounds like I’m banging on about it, but don’t worry. It’s just that it conceals lots of other behaviors which actually compromise your quality of life. Value your own needs in a relationship, people!

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Before Becoming Emotionally Invested In A Guy, Consider These Things

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Dating can be fun and carefree, but once you get emotionally invested in a guy, all bets are off. Suddenly, feelings are involved and you’re vulnerable. You could get hurt, and you very well might be if things don’t work out. Love is always worth the risk, of course, but before you put yourself in a position to have your heart broken, consider these things to determine whether it’s a good idea.

Is he mature enough for a real relationship?

You might be ready to get into a committed relationship with a long-term partner and hopefully build a life together, but he is on the same page? There’s no point in getting emotionally invested in a guy who’s still content playing the field and who would prefer to keep it casual and “go with the flow.” That’s not to say that he needs to get down on bended knee and propose a month into the relationship, but if he’s not interested in anything serious and you are, save yourself the trouble.

Does he want the same things as you?
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It goes without saying that in addition to wanting a committed relationship, he needs to actually agree with you on the big picture. If you want to spend time traveling before having kids and buying a house while he’s content staying in your hometown but thinks kids are annoying and marriage is pointless, it’s never going to work out.

Does anything about his behavior seem off?
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Never, ever get emotionally invested in a guy who is displaying red flags when you first start dating. If anything seems like it’s just not quite right — his stories don’t line up, he’s super shady, you find out he’s lied to you, etc. — when you need to end things immediately rather than wasting your time and potentially getting played.

Are you giving more than you’re getting?
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While relationships won’t always be 50/50 — life happens and sometimes one partner needs to step up to the plate a bit more — it should generally be an equal effort from both people. If this isn’t happening from the beginning and you find that you’re the one doing the chasing, putting in all the effort, and pulling all the weight, it’s pretty clear that becoming emotionally invested is a very bad idea.

Can you actually see a future with him?
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You’re not a teenager anymore and chances are you’re now dating to marry, or at least dating to settle down. That means that if you can’t see a future with a guy, you’re wasting your time with him. Only go for people you can actually envision being in your life long-term. That’s the only way you’ll find the happiness you’re looking for and the love you deserve.

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How To Finally Stop Falling For The Wrong Guys Once And For All

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We’ve all been there before: you meet a guy we like, throw all your eggs in one basket, and don’t realize until it’s too late that he’s a total waste of time. It sucks, but it’s completely avoidable. If you keep falling for the wrong guys and you want to stop for good, here are some things you need to do. After all, you’re an amazing woman with so much to offer, but only if it’s to someone who’s on your level.

Raise your standards.

If you’re always falling for the wrong guys, the most likely reason is that you don’t have high enough standards. While you shouldn’t can’t the men you date to be gods on earth who are totally flawless and submit to your every whim, you can expect them to treat you with respect, keep their word, and pull their weight in the relationship. That’s the bare minimum! Raise your standards and hold guys to them – that will weed out the bulk of the bad ones right away.

Develop your self-worth.
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Perhaps one of the reasons you don’t have high standards is that you don’t have high enough self-esteem. You have to believe that you’re worthy of love, respect, and care in order to demand it from others. Otherwise, you’re always going to accept being treated poorly. Truly work on embracing and increasing your self-worth. You deserve it.

Don’t ignore red flags.
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Part of the reason you’re always falling for the wrong guys is that you probably overlook glaring red flags in the early stages of the relationship, thinking that you’ll get over them or they’ll go away. Wrong! If you notice that something seems a little off with a guy, don’t just write it off as paranoia or overlook it for the sake of continuing with the relationship. Things won’t get any better the longer you’re with him. Cut the cord immediately.

Make a list of what you want.
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It sounds silly to say that making a list of qualities you want in a guy can help you avoid ending up with the wrong ones but it really can. The clearer your head is about what you want from a partner will make it that much easier to shut things down when someone you’re dating doesn’t exhibit those traits or meet those expectations. I’m not saying you should be rigid in terms of your checklist – you do want to leave room for a genuinely great guy to surprise you – but you know the big stuff that’s important to you (or at least you should).

Take your time instead of jumping in head-first.
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Yes, it’s exciting when you meet a guy you really like, but that doesn’t mean you should go all-in before you really know him. Instead of throwing caution to the wind, you can avoid falling for the wrong guys by taking your time and paying close attention to how the relationship is progressing. Only when you truly get to know him should you feel safe to give a bit more of yourself.

Listen to your friends sometimes.
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While your friends’ thoughts and feelings shouldn’t dictate your life, in many situations, they can actually be extremely helpful. They want what’s best for you and because they’re not blinded by their feelings for the guy in question, they’re able to see more clearly when something’s not quite right. Listen to their opinions. You don’t always have to act on them, but recognize that they’re acting in your best interest and may actually be making some good points.

Trust your gut.
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At the end of the day, you know deep down when something is wrong. Trust that instinct and act on it. That will protect you.

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If You’re A Woman Who Loves Too Hard, Read This

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This is for the woman who loves too hard, who has so much affection in her heart for someone special but just hasn’t met the person who’s worthy of her just yet. If you feel hopeless and heartbroken because none of your relationships have worked out. If you feel like you’ll never find the one who understands your soul and appreciates your love, keep reading because girl, this is for you.

You are not too much. 

First of all, I just want to let you know that the way you love and the way you are is not too much. Despite what any of the people you’ve dated before may have told you, you don’t love too much and you’re not too intense. The thing is, the right person for you will never think that you’re too much or too intense. The right person for you, the person you’re supposed to be with will love the way that you love and will make you feel just enough.

Don’t let the bad ones jade you. 
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I know it’s hard to keep throwing yourself back into the dating ring when you’ve been knocked down so many times. If every relationship you’ve had has ended in heartbreak, you might be thinking, “What’s the point in trying again?” I hate that you’ve been burned by so many jerks, but don’t let that ruin the rest of the world for you. There are still amazing people out there, I promise you. Don’t let yourself become jaded because there have been some losers out there who haven’t handled your heart the way it deserves to be held. Keep holding onto the dream of love.

It’s okay to have standards. 
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Don’t let anyone from your past make you think that the perfect partner that you’re dreaming of isn’t out there or that you have to somehow adjust the things that you want in a romantic partner to find them. That is a complete and total lie. No, there are no perfect people out there. We all have flaws, but the perfect person for YOU is definitely out there and you should never have to settle for anyone that doesn’t meet your standards.

Take the time to focus on yourself. 
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As much as we all want to find our soulmate and fall hopelessly in love, you have to remember the importance of loving yourself and taking the time to really focus on your own goals and your own life. Everyone says this but, it’s totally true, you can’t fully love someone else until you truly love yourself. You should be your number one priority before any love interest. Once you’ve got yourself figured out, your eyes will be opened to so many past relationships and it’ll suddenly seem so clear why they didn’t work out and why it was a good thing that they didn’t. It’ll prepare you for better relationships in the future.

Romance is not dead. 
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Despite what the terrible people out there might make you believe, romance is in fact not dead. There are still incredible people out there who will sweep you off your feet and give you all of the storybook romance feels. It’s just a matter of finding them. Don’t let the pain of your past convince you that those kinds of lovers don’t exist and you have to settle for crumbs. Nothing could be further from the truth.

You can’t “scare off” the right person.
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With women that love with their whole hearts, it can be easy to convince ourselves that we need to tone ourselves down or mute our excitement because we “scare people off” with our intensity. Please. The right person for you could never be scared away by your enthusiasm for them or the budding relationship. You won’t have to contain your joy at all because it will be completely reciprocated by the right person.

Save it for the ones who deserve it. 
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Your love and what you have to offer someone is so huge and so incredible that you shouldn’t be wasting your efforts on someone who won’t appreciate you. If the person you’re trying to show love to isn’t appreciating it or seems put off, just save yourself the time and heartbreak and move on. They’re not the right one for you.

You’re not weak. You’re stronger than you know. 
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People might think you’re vulnerable or weak because you fall in love too easily, but what they don’t realize is that your ability to be so open and willing to love is what makes you stronger, not weaker. Having the courage to love again and again is what sets you apart from everyone else and I promise you that the right person will come along and see that strength.

Don’t let others’ opinions change you. 
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Sure, you might get some flack from your friends about the fact that you fall in love so quickly and that you try so hard in relationships, but who cares? You can’t win if you don’t play the game and you’re out there trying and giving it your all. That’s more than a lot of people can say. You’re a fighter who truly believes in love. Don’t let anyone take that away from you.

They’re out there. Don’t give up. 
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The most important thing to keep in mind is that your person is out there. The person who meets your passion and effort with appreciation and welcome. The person who sees you for the amazing, beautiful, poetic soul that you are and does everything they can to hold onto you because you are a true treasure. Don’t stop believing in love and your ability to find it. It’s out there. They’re out there.

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GET IT NOW

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