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Why Amazing Chemistry Doesn’t Always Translate To An Amazing Relationship

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So you’ve met the love of your life, or so you think. Now you have to figure out if your incredible chemistry can blossom into something long-lasting and secure. Sadly, just because you have amazing chemistry with someone doesn’t mean that you’re going to have a successful relationship with them. Here’s why it’s not quite so simple.

Sex isn’t everything.

Sure, someone might make you dizzy just by raising an eyebrow, but can he speak openly about his emotions or retain the stories you tell him about your childhood? Can he do his own laundry or make your friends laugh or show up on time when you make a date? He might be the most outrageously compatible sex partner you’ve ever had the very literal pleasure of experiencing, but there are more things you need from a partner. Amazing chemistry is one thing, but how will that translate to a larger relationship?

Relationships are mundane.
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As soon as you start sharing a toilet, the sexual electricity will fade pretty quickly. Like it or not, life goes on, and you will have to buy groceries and fold laundry. The flames of passion are not best stoked while washing the dishes at 7 p.m. on a Thursday or changing the kitty litter every weekend. If all you have is amazing chemistry, you’ll be in for a rude awakening when you try to integrate your relationship into normal life.

Being sexy is exhausting.
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If you’re a person who wears makeup, your favorite part of the day is probably the part where you take it off. This is harder to do when you’re busy seducing someone at the end of an evening. No one wants to rush to the bathroom mid-foreplay to get the makeup wipes, nor does anyone want to get up at 4 am to reapply mascara so their date doesn’t see them bare-faced. Yet many of us have done this, because when you’re in the throes of intense sexual attraction, you will stop at nothing to be irresistible. This is not sustainable. Eventually, you’ll have to transition back to everyday underwear and sporadic shaving.

Chemistry has a flip-side.
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Sexual attraction is based on recklessness, spontaneity, and mystery. But when the fog of lust begins to fade, these qualities can look a lot like irresponsibility, unreliability, and emotional unavailability. Needless to say, such characteristics are not a recipe for the perfect long-term partner.

You might be overlooking people you’re more compatible with.
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Chemistry is often an intoxicating, nearly instantaneous connection that you make with someone you hardly know. While there may be plenty of great long-term relationships that start this way, it’s also true that a lot of relationships take time to reach their full potential. Someone who seems painfully awkward on your first date may end up being your soulmate. Basing your attraction on first impressions may prevent you from finding someone truly special.

You can’t rely on chemistry.
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Chemistry will not get you through arguments about money or whose turn it is to take the trash out. It won’t solve your trust issues or make your partner try harder when they’re falling short of your expectations. Chemistry will not see you through your first big fight about something that can’t fix itself. When that happens, you’ll have to rely on your unsexy but very serious commitment to each other, if such a thing exists.

Relationships require more than biology to succeed.
Sexual chemistry is based in large part on biological processes such as pheromones (chemical substances we release that influence the behavior of those around us), physical appearance that signals sexual prowess such as muscles or curves, and natural production of estrogen and testosterone that give us the urge to recreate. These factors are clearly not enough to sustain a happy, years’ long attachment.

Lust and love are not the same.
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You may think you’re falling head over heels for someone, only to find that you’re bored to death of them after the third date. Lust takes on the appearance of love by making your emotions tumble out of your control. You will think you’ve found your soulmate and that your search for eternal love has finally come to an end. But this is a classic case of mistaken identity. Actual love is not the result of chemistry alone. It’s the result of knowing someone on a deep, largely non-sexual level, and deciding their strengths probably outweigh their flaws.

The rom-coms get it wrong.
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You know how most romantic comedies end with some variation of “they lived happily ever after”? Either there’s a wedding or a first kiss or a running-through-the-airport sequence. All of these resolutions conveniently avoid the majority of the characters’ lives by focusing only on the chemistry phase of their relationship. In reality, if these couples stay together, they will inevitably have to work through painful life transitions, fights, boredom, and maybe even divorce. In other words, chemistry is not going to save them after the credits roll.

Chemistry is easy to come by. Compatibility is hard.
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Think about the number of times you’ve caught someone’s eye on a night out or in class at college or in a meeting at work. Now think about how many happy, long-term relationships you’ve had. One of those numbers is probably bigger than the other, and it isn’t the first one. Sexual tension is readily available. There are a lot of horny people out there. But actual compatibility, the kind that will create and sustain a loving relationship, is like finding a good movie on Netflix. It takes time.

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How To Finally Stop Falling For The Wrong Guys Once And For All

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We’ve all been there before: you meet a guy we like, throw all your eggs in one basket, and don’t realize until it’s too late that he’s a total waste of time. It sucks, but it’s completely avoidable. If you keep falling for the wrong guys and you want to stop for good, here are some things you need to do. After all, you’re an amazing woman with so much to offer, but only if it’s to someone who’s on your level.

Raise your standards.

If you’re always falling for the wrong guys, the most likely reason is that you don’t have high enough standards. While you shouldn’t can’t the men you date to be gods on earth who are totally flawless and submit to your every whim, you can expect them to treat you with respect, keep their word, and pull their weight in the relationship. That’s the bare minimum! Raise your standards and hold guys to them – that will weed out the bulk of the bad ones right away.

Develop your self-worth.
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Perhaps one of the reasons you don’t have high standards is that you don’t have high enough self-esteem. You have to believe that you’re worthy of love, respect, and care in order to demand it from others. Otherwise, you’re always going to accept being treated poorly. Truly work on embracing and increasing your self-worth. You deserve it.

Don’t ignore red flags.
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Part of the reason you’re always falling for the wrong guys is that you probably overlook glaring red flags in the early stages of the relationship, thinking that you’ll get over them or they’ll go away. Wrong! If you notice that something seems a little off with a guy, don’t just write it off as paranoia or overlook it for the sake of continuing with the relationship. Things won’t get any better the longer you’re with him. Cut the cord immediately.

Make a list of what you want.
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It sounds silly to say that making a list of qualities you want in a guy can help you avoid ending up with the wrong ones but it really can. The clearer your head is about what you want from a partner will make it that much easier to shut things down when someone you’re dating doesn’t exhibit those traits or meet those expectations. I’m not saying you should be rigid in terms of your checklist – you do want to leave room for a genuinely great guy to surprise you – but you know the big stuff that’s important to you (or at least you should).

Take your time instead of jumping in head-first.
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Yes, it’s exciting when you meet a guy you really like, but that doesn’t mean you should go all-in before you really know him. Instead of throwing caution to the wind, you can avoid falling for the wrong guys by taking your time and paying close attention to how the relationship is progressing. Only when you truly get to know him should you feel safe to give a bit more of yourself.

Listen to your friends sometimes.
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While your friends’ thoughts and feelings shouldn’t dictate your life, in many situations, they can actually be extremely helpful. They want what’s best for you and because they’re not blinded by their feelings for the guy in question, they’re able to see more clearly when something’s not quite right. Listen to their opinions. You don’t always have to act on them, but recognize that they’re acting in your best interest and may actually be making some good points.

Trust your gut.
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At the end of the day, you know deep down when something is wrong. Trust that instinct and act on it. That will protect you.

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If You’re A Woman Who Loves Too Hard, Read This

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This is for the woman who loves too hard, who has so much affection in her heart for someone special but just hasn’t met the person who’s worthy of her just yet. If you feel hopeless and heartbroken because none of your relationships have worked out. If you feel like you’ll never find the one who understands your soul and appreciates your love, keep reading because girl, this is for you.

You are not too much. 

First of all, I just want to let you know that the way you love and the way you are is not too much. Despite what any of the people you’ve dated before may have told you, you don’t love too much and you’re not too intense. The thing is, the right person for you will never think that you’re too much or too intense. The right person for you, the person you’re supposed to be with will love the way that you love and will make you feel just enough.

Don’t let the bad ones jade you. 
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I know it’s hard to keep throwing yourself back into the dating ring when you’ve been knocked down so many times. If every relationship you’ve had has ended in heartbreak, you might be thinking, “What’s the point in trying again?” I hate that you’ve been burned by so many jerks, but don’t let that ruin the rest of the world for you. There are still amazing people out there, I promise you. Don’t let yourself become jaded because there have been some losers out there who haven’t handled your heart the way it deserves to be held. Keep holding onto the dream of love.

It’s okay to have standards. 
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Don’t let anyone from your past make you think that the perfect partner that you’re dreaming of isn’t out there or that you have to somehow adjust the things that you want in a romantic partner to find them. That is a complete and total lie. No, there are no perfect people out there. We all have flaws, but the perfect person for YOU is definitely out there and you should never have to settle for anyone that doesn’t meet your standards.

Take the time to focus on yourself. 
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As much as we all want to find our soulmate and fall hopelessly in love, you have to remember the importance of loving yourself and taking the time to really focus on your own goals and your own life. Everyone says this but, it’s totally true, you can’t fully love someone else until you truly love yourself. You should be your number one priority before any love interest. Once you’ve got yourself figured out, your eyes will be opened to so many past relationships and it’ll suddenly seem so clear why they didn’t work out and why it was a good thing that they didn’t. It’ll prepare you for better relationships in the future.

Romance is not dead. 
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Despite what the terrible people out there might make you believe, romance is in fact not dead. There are still incredible people out there who will sweep you off your feet and give you all of the storybook romance feels. It’s just a matter of finding them. Don’t let the pain of your past convince you that those kinds of lovers don’t exist and you have to settle for crumbs. Nothing could be further from the truth.

You can’t “scare off” the right person.
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With women that love with their whole hearts, it can be easy to convince ourselves that we need to tone ourselves down or mute our excitement because we “scare people off” with our intensity. Please. The right person for you could never be scared away by your enthusiasm for them or the budding relationship. You won’t have to contain your joy at all because it will be completely reciprocated by the right person.

Save it for the ones who deserve it. 
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Your love and what you have to offer someone is so huge and so incredible that you shouldn’t be wasting your efforts on someone who won’t appreciate you. If the person you’re trying to show love to isn’t appreciating it or seems put off, just save yourself the time and heartbreak and move on. They’re not the right one for you.

You’re not weak. You’re stronger than you know. 
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People might think you’re vulnerable or weak because you fall in love too easily, but what they don’t realize is that your ability to be so open and willing to love is what makes you stronger, not weaker. Having the courage to love again and again is what sets you apart from everyone else and I promise you that the right person will come along and see that strength.

Don’t let others’ opinions change you. 
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Sure, you might get some flack from your friends about the fact that you fall in love so quickly and that you try so hard in relationships, but who cares? You can’t win if you don’t play the game and you’re out there trying and giving it your all. That’s more than a lot of people can say. You’re a fighter who truly believes in love. Don’t let anyone take that away from you.

They’re out there. Don’t give up. 
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The most important thing to keep in mind is that your person is out there. The person who meets your passion and effort with appreciation and welcome. The person who sees you for the amazing, beautiful, poetic soul that you are and does everything they can to hold onto you because you are a true treasure. Don’t stop believing in love and your ability to find it. It’s out there. They’re out there.

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Dating An Aquarius Man: 12 Things You Should Know

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Aquarian men are one of a kind. Non-conformers, these are usually the most interesting signs you’ll meet. When it comes to dating them, they are impossible to replace as their personalities are so unique. But is dating them for everyone? Read on to find out if you’re cut out to date an Aquarius.

He’s a perfectionist.

You should always know what you’re getting into before you date a perfectionist. On the upside, they dress well, tend to say the right things, and set up some truly amazing dates. On the downside, though, they can be hyper-critical and have unrealistic expectations. Whether it works in your favor or not, Aquarian men tend to be perfectionists. They hold themselves, especially, to very high standards.

He can’t stand too many rules.
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Being an air sign, Aquarius hates being held down. He wants to be free to blow in the wind. That doesn’t mean that he won’t be happy in an exclusive relationship. But it does mean he doesn’t respond well to strict rules. Trying to control an Aquarius or nag him to get what you want can only end badly.

He doesn’t waste time on people he’s not interested in.
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Good news if you’re dating an Aquarius man: he must really like you. This sign rarely dates people for the sake of it. Romantically and platonically, he only invests in relationships that he genuinely care about. He’s not a people-pleaser and not overly empathetic, so he wouldn’t date someone just to be nice.

He prefers to go with the flow than plan ahead.
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Aquarius is the kind of partner that you can spring spontaneous dates on. In fact, this sign tends to love surprises. What he doesn’t love is planning everything ahead and having to stick to a rigid schedule. Like the other air signs, he feels much better when he can go with the flow and see where life takes him.

Sometimes, his work will come first.
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There are other signs in the zodiac more notorious for being workaholics than Aquarius. But still, this sign does tend to value his career highly. Sometimes, he prioritizes it above the relationship he’s in. Those who date him will have to be okay with his career taking up a fair bit of space in his life.

He’s one in a million.
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An Aquarian man is one in a million. He’s totally unique, doesn’t hide his quirks, and has no problems letting his natural personality shine. He also doesn’t see the point in conforming to other people’s standards just to fit in. This can be a good and a bad thing. If you prefer to blend in with the crowd and want a partner who keeps their opinions to themselves, this may not be the sign for you.

He always has to be right.
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One of the many things that Aquarian men are good at is being stubborn. Know from the beginning that it’s hard to get them to apologize or admit they’re wrong. He’s also always right. Even when he’s wrong, in his head he’s right.

He’s a great problem-solver.
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Aquarius is one of the most intelligent signs in the zodiac and is thus a great problem-solver. He’s handy to have as a date because he’ll come up with creative ways to help you with all your problems. When it comes to relationship issues, he’ll also want to iron them out as they rise rather than sweep them under the rug.

Compromise isn’t his greatest strength.
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The only problem-solving technique that Aquarius doesn’t like to use? Compromise. As this sign is always right, the only way to move forward with him is to admit that he’s right. Don’t expect him to meet you halfway. It’s his way or the highway when you’re dating an Aquarius man.

When you first meet him, he can be cold and cocky.
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It’s common for Aquarian men to give negative first impressions. They take a while to warm up to people, so they can seem cold and cocky when you first meet them. Don’t write him off straight away, as this may be just his way of protecting himself until he really gets to know you.

He’s compassionate and full of integrity.
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He may seem arrogant, but Aquarius guys are actually compassionate and stick to their morals. They often think of the well-being of others and are known for their commitment to charity. Most of them just want to make the world a better place.

He’s easily frustrated.
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One thing to know about dating an Aquarius man is that he’s easily frustrated. It doesn’t take a lot to annoy him as he’s not the most patient sign. But a good thing about that is he tends to get over his annoyance quickly!

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