Yeah, you want to give guys a chance, but don’t ignore the subtle red flags that can show up from very early on in the dating game.
You might not even notice the subtly shady things he says because they’re such small annoyances that you don’t think they mean anything bad.
However, they just might be a sign that he’s not the right guy for you and you can do better.
Before you close your eyes and ears and jump into a hot new romance with him, make sure you pay attention to these things he says.
1. HE TELLS YOU HE’S “JUST SO BUSY.”
Come on! You need to stop believing that the guy who tells you he’s super busy is still interested in you unless he shows you that he’s shoveling his schedule to make time to see you. Then he can be as busy as he wants. If he’s saying he’s busy as a reason for why he can’t make plans or stick to them, that’s a bad sign. He’s not as invested in this as you are.
2. HE TELLS YOU THAT YOU’RE BEING TOO SENSITIVE/OVERREACTING/NEED TO GET OVER IT.
Wait, what? One minute he was telling you that he wants to know everything about you and he acted like he’d be a supportive boyfriend. Meanwhile, he’s the guy who tells you to snap out of whatever mood you’re in, even when you’ve had a really crappy day and just need someone to LISTEN. Damn. Do you want to be stuck with a guy who never actually listens or seems to acknowledge your feelings? Run. This is one of the biggest red flags guys can wave.
3. HE CALLS HIS EXES CRAZY.
There’s no way that all of his exes could be unhinged. What would be the odds? And okay, say that it did happen. Your next question would be, “What is it about this guy that attracts crazy/unhinged people to him?” See, it says a whole lot more about him than about his exes. He might also be trying to throw you off the scent of what he’s done in his past by putting all the blame on them.
4. HE SAYS HE “NEVER SAID THAT.”
You were 99.9% sure that when he told you he hung out with the guys last weekend he told you that they didn’t go to a strip club. Now, he’s telling you something else and making it seem like you were the one who misunderstood him. Hmmm. A guy who doesn’t keep track of things he’s said/done and changes his tune is someone who can’t be trusted. He might also be gaslighting you by making you doubt yourself. Guys who try and manipulate you this way are full of red flags, not just this one.
5. HE ASKS FOR YOUR PASSWORDS.
There is never a good reason why someone should ask you for your Facebook, Instagram, email, or phone password. EVER. He might say that he wants you to show him that you trust him or that he wants you to be transparent with him, but that’s BS. He just wants permission to snoop. He’s the one with trust issues.
6. HE ASKS IF YOU’RE REALLY WEARING THAT.
If a guy makes “funny” or “helpful” comments about you, such as your appearance/beliefs/dreams, it’s really a way for him to bring you down. He’s insecure, but it’s not your problem that he feels he has to drag you into the dirt. Don’t let this guy get to you because he’s got issues he needs to sort out on a therapist’s couch, not yours. Next!
7. HE SAYS YOU’RE PERFECT.
A guy who can see your value is obviously a good catch, but if he’s putting you up on a pedestal and singing your praises every five seconds, it can start to feel like he’s trying a bit too hard. He’s going over the top to try to impress you, and that’s a warning sign. He’s covering up all his toxic traits with truckloads of charm.
8. HE ASKS IF YOU’RE STILL UP.
It’s cute when he texts you because he misses you, but if he’s ruining your precious sleep ’cause he only wants to chat at night, that’s a red flag. He might only want to chat late at night because something is dodgy like he’s already got a girlfriend or he’s trying to compartmentalize your relationship. He’s not giving you his entire self or time.
9. EVERYTHING SUCKS/IS DUMB/IS A PROBLEM.
If all he does is complain about everything on your dates, such as why his life is so bad, why the restaurant where you’re having dinner is terrible, and so on, that will bring you down and bust your mood. He should be trying to show you himself in the best light if you’re just getting to know each other, not carrying a rain cloud on his back.
10. HE ONLY TALKS ABOUT HIMSELF.
Another of the biggest red flags guys can show is right here. If he only ever wants to talk about himself. While you encourage him to do so by asking him questions about himself, he never seems to return the favor. If you do try to talk about yourself, he’s quick to turn the spotlight back onto himself. He might talk over you or interrupt you. Yikes. This is only going to become worse with time. Good luck trying to get a word in edgewise with him in the future!