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Relationship Milestones All Long-Term Couples Should Eventually Hit



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I know that intimacy is a big word, but people are totally wrong when they think that sex is the be-all and end-all of relationships. They’re all about physical attraction, and so rarely about intimacy in the beginning. If you want to really hit the big relationship milestones, you’ll find them in the realm of fart-giggles and lying on the sofa comparing food babies after a big meal. See what I mean? This type of relationship ensures that you aren’t judging intimacy in terms of what you let each other see in the dim lights of a bedroom. It’s in daylight and it’s intentional. Here are some of the other important ones.

The first fart

Of all the relationship milestones, this is one of the most important. There are many ways this can play out. Believe me. Some are worse than others but don’t worry when the first comes — many many more will follow. It’s like London busses. You wait all that time for one and then three come at once. More than that, the dam has broken in the relationship in terms of being worried about performing romantic gestures all the time. You realize you don’t have to perform anything or hold anything back. You can be yourself and relax. Really relax, if you get me. Lol. Anyway, you can still have the big romantic gestures, but you can also have a meaningful time at home in the flat. You’re not stressed that you need to fart or use the toilet in his space or whatever. It shows that you’re both comfortable and you won’t let your insecurities interrupt your time together. It helps you to love yourself too. You won’t feel gross or smelly or sweaty when you embrace it and have fun.

Sweaty hand-holding
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 This is the stage in which you realize you can be sweaty and it not be an issue. You aren’t less loveable, and trust me when I say your partner would rather hold your sweaty hand than not at all. They probably didn’t even notice, frankly. We’re all a little sweaty, you shouldn’t internalize the idea that you’re the exception to what everyone else is happy to overlook. Getting comfortable here will make actual romantic time way more intimate and meaningful.

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You get to the stage pretty early on of having burping competitions. Or, at the very least, rating them as they come along. It’s so much fun and you can just let everything out. Why give yourself stomach problems by crossing your legs? Your partner loves all of your IBS-laden self. Never forget that.

Dodgy dance moves
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 I’m not talking about grinding on each other in the club when you’ve both had too much to drink and nothing matters. No. I’m talking about getting wine drunk at an ABBA tribute concert on a Tuesday afternoon and starting a conga line with the old women around you on the floor. You can survive that, you can survive anything. And hey, no one is killing my ABBA buzz. No one.

Meeting friends with stories about your cringy youth
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Cringing about your past is a natural part of growing up. It shows growth and maturity. However, you should never think that you have to regret things in your past just because you’re different now. You enjoyed yourself at the time. It never occurred to you to wear anything other than neon pink and bangles. We were all the same and your partner will find these stories hilarious from your friends. It’ll provide enough entertainment for hours and you will also get to think back to that young girl and think how proud she’d be of what you became. This is one of the biggest relationship milestones to look forward to.

Old pictures
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I’m not talking baby pictures here. Those are safe game — people whip those out when he’s only just started hitting on you. No. I’m talking about pictures from when you were fifteen. Not just the rogue outfits that your mum picked out, this is the age when you should have known better. Not that any of us did. But if they can bear witness to the braces, glasses, and Rubix cube obsession and stick around, then they’re there for life. That’s a huge milestone.

Meeting grandparents
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Now, I don’t know about you, but I feel that at any moment my grandparents could say anything. Like, truly anything. I can’t predict that and I can’t prep them for the arrival of my partner. I’m just trusting the process and trying to find my safe space. If I introduce my partner to my grandparents that’s a whole different ball game than parents, because grandparents will not even pretend if they don’t vibe with someone.

The first argument when you’re lost on a road trip
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 Were you driving too fast? Yes. Were they meant to be directing you? Yes. Did you miss the exit three times as a result? Yes. Did you laugh about it in an hour? Also yes.

So there you have it, a few unromantic relationship milestones that every long-term couple has to go through. Remember that you don’t come out the other side unscathed!

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