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Signs Of A Controlling Partner You Must Recognize

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You might think you’ve found the perfect relationship, but there are some red flags you need to be on the lookout for. Your seemingly perfect boyfriend, husband, or partner could be showing signs of being controlling. Here are some you should be looking for.

They give you harsh conditions within your relationship. 

If your partner begins to offer you love, kindness, and affection but along with it come harsh restrictions and conditions you have to adhere to, that is a big sign of a controlling relationship. The state of your relationship shouldn’t be based on whether you can uphold a certain standard that your partner sets for you. Sure, there are certain dealbreakers that both people within a relationship might have, love isn’t about expecting and demanding perfection from another person. It’s about loving and accepting them despite the fact that they’re not perfect. If your partner expects you to be someone you’re not and implies that the relationship won’t work if you’re not, then you need to remove yourself from that relationship immediately.

They need to know your location 24/7. 
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It’s normal for your partner to want to know your whereabouts. They want to know you’re safe and if an emergency were to hit, they want to be able to get to you. However, if your partner is obsessive about needing to know where you are, what you’re doing, and who you’re with all of the time, that shows signs of controlling and distrustful behavior. If your partner makes you feel like you’re not allowed to do anything without their approval, you need to rethink if this is a healthy relationship.

They attempt to isolate you from friends and family. 
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Controlling partners want to make you feel like you have no one to turn to but them. If you feel like you only have your partner to rely on for everything in life, you’re less likely to leave them or question their behavior. If your partner makes attempts to separate you from your friends and family, it’s a sign of controlling behavior. You should always be able to go to the people you trust and love with your problems, questions, and need for comfort or advice. If your partner gets angry when you confide in the people close to you, re-examine if they’re really someone you want to be with.

They don’t appreciate your successes. 
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If your partner is controlling, they might not be excited about your independence or individual success. A loving, supportive partner will want you to go after all of your goals and achieve everything in life that set out after. They’ll be proud and celebrate you when you accomplish a career or personal goal because they only want you to be happy. If your partner would rather you hang back or put your dreams on hold for theirs, that is definitely a sign that your partner is controlling and jealous.

They try to strike down your confidence. 
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A controlling partner will also want you to feel less confident within yourself because the less confident you are, the less likely you’ll be to leave them. If you don’t feel good about the way you look, your ability to be successful in your career, and your confidence to go forward with your dreams and goals, they don’t have to worry as much about you getting fed up with their controlling or emotionally manipulative behavior and take off, leaving them without someone to control. The right person for you will always try to build you up and make you feel good about yourself.

They try to control what you wear. 
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Controlling what you wear when you leave the house is such a small detail but is a huge red flag when it comes to letting you know that your partner is overbearing and controlling. If your partner won’t let you leave the house wearing certain things, it not only indicates their tendency to control but also their insecurity. If their main concern is you getting attention from other people based on what you’re wearing, it shows that they don’t trust your faithfulness. You’re an adult and you’re allowed to wear whatever you want. If your partner doesn’t respect that, maybe you should look for another partner.

They make you feel worthless. 
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Another tactic often used by controlling partners is to make you feel as if you can’t get by without them. If your partner financially supports you, this can be a tricky situation. Just because a partner makes more money than you and pays more of the bills does not mean that they can control everything you do and say or that they get the final say in everything. Relationships are partnerships. They’re not based on master and servant situations.

They make you feel unlovable. 
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If your partner makes you feel as if no one else could ever love you or want to be with you, leave them as soon as you can. Controlling and abusive partners want to take away every chance that you have of getting out of the relationship. They’ll try to tear you down and make you believe that no one else could ever want you but that is completely untrue.

They don’t want you to be your own person. 
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Controlling partners will also discourage you from any kind of independent activity or anything that’s your own. It’s just another way that they can damage your confidence and make you afraid to try anything new or distance yourself from them. It’s just a fear-based tactic by a bully. Don’t fall for it.

They place guilt on you to get their way. 
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Another way a controlling partner will try to dictate everything about your life is by guilt-tripping you. If you’ve ever done something that you regret or gotten into a big fight with them, they may use the past against you to shame you or attempt to put you in your place. Healthy relationships don’t keep score. Loving partners don’t bring up the past to use against you or try to emotionally manipulate you into feeling guilty for something you shouldn’t. Keep all this in mind when you’re evaluating your relationship.

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